How I nearly killed myself masturbating

Apparently, women have known the wonders of a bathtub faucet through the ages. The secret is to scoot your bum underneath the faucet and let the hot water wash over your clit. A friend of mine told me this is the only way she masturbates. I decided to give it the old college try.
In case you haven’t tried it, I do recommend it. However, do proceed with caution. Your backside is covering the drain, and a lethal amount of water can build up in the tub. The first time I tried this I came so hard that my entire body shut down. Still in the midst of orgasm, my head was under water and I gasped for air.
Although the Marquis De Sade recommends asphyxiation during sex, I had no desire to try that one. Yay, though it did add that element of excitement, what an embarrassing eulogy that would be.

I wish *I* could stick my penis under a faucet to get an orgasm.

Oh.. hang on.. there's a small orifice here..what if I just.... Damn! It wont fit!

Maybe If I push harder

Ah Shit! IT's STUCK! FUCK!

HELP! DEAR GOD! THE PAIN!

..maybe if i turn the tap on....

Although I didn't do this myself, it does belong here, because the person who did it was in quite a bad fix.

It happened at a motel in Florida a few years back and was the laughingstock of the media for a good week or so.

Late at night, a gentleman who was staying at the motel decided to go for a swim. He got a little frisky and stuck his wang in one of the water pipe holes on the side of the pool. As tumescence increased, his wang got lodged in the hole, much like what happens when dogs have sex. After frantic efforts to dislodge it, he finally started shouting for help.

Some time later, the fire department showed up on the scene and somehow managed to dislodge him. I'm not sure how they did it, but maybe they used graphite or applied positive pressure at the other end of the pipe.