Trousers that incorporate antigravity technology. It's a long story.

The other night, me and my friend James were watching some stupid Top Gear show on BBC2. They were interviewing Britain's oldest licensed HGV driver. As is often the case with octogenarians, the guy was kind of eccentric. This made us worried.

"Can you not get old and remain normal?" asked James.

"He's probably not doing anything that would have been out of the ordinary in his youth." I replied.

The realisation sunk in that we were doomed. The things we assume to be cool and "normal" now are destined to be dusty relics. If we try to keep up with the new generation we'll be seen as Jimmy Saville-like freaks. It's a no-win situation. James summed up this fear of old age (the first step towards fearing our mortality) with this shocking insight :

"We'll probably be wearing combats, and thinking that we're still relatively trendy, while the rest of the world has moved on to ... err ... HoverTrousers."

Forget the apes becoming our masters. Forget a rogue AI exterminating the human race. Even Cold War paranoia has nothing on the fear of a world with HoverTrousers.

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