Hosted by Jon Davidson, the 1980s version of the Squares beats the crappy Whoopi Goldberg-Tom Bergeron-Bruce Villanch love party of today. In addition to having equally crappy stars like Joan Rivers, Jm J. Bullock, and Alf occupying squares, there would occasionally be some chef, perhaps Dom DeLuise, occupying a BIG-ASS CORNER SQUARE (more like a rectangle, after special modifications) and cooking things. COOKING THINGS!

Additionally, the bonus game on the '80s version was über-sweet. The new champion chose a key out of a bowl, and tried to turn on the ignition of one of several cars inside the studio. If the car started, the contestant retired, taking his/her money and car and getting the hell out of Burbank. If not, we heard a lame wah-wah sound and they had to try a different car with the same key the following night -- IF they won the right to do so.

Lastly, there's practically no improvisation on Hollywood Squares. Each celebrity is coached on the questions and answers he/she will give and receive during the show. This is explained to the contestants, according to a disclaimer that runs at the end of the show. It was also spoofed on The Simpsons, when Homer Simpson appears on the "Springfield Squares" and occupies the center square after his perfect game in bowling. When a question is asked of him, Homer wonders aloud, "Should I read from the sheet marked 'answers' or 'jokes'?" This causes the host Kent Brockman to become very fed up with the slow-witted Homer.

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