Ho Ho Fucking Ho is a track from Australian comedian Kevin Bloody Wilson's 1996 album called Kev's Kristmas.

It so happened that I, like many others, dug up this song on (the original) Napster some time around Christmas 1999. Seeing that it was the last Christmas before Armageddon, I was about as jaded as I could get while preparing my personal fall-out shelter and the title sounded pretty appealing. Actually, I was working in IT, heroically battling the Y2K bug armed with only a CLI and a stick of butter. Errr... anyway... where was I?

Right! On Napster the song was commonly credited to Monty Python. It doesn't take long for a connoisseur of either artist's work to realise that this is not true. It may take two or three listens for those with a more casual acquaintance but, in the end, the truth will shine like Santa's butt with Rudolph's nose up it. HHFH is one of a number of songs that used to be or still are found on file-sharing systems and suffer from a persistent, virus-like misattribution. In fact about half of the many sites offering song lyrics were still merrily misattributing this song in time for a foul-mouthed Christmas 2007.

Now about the song itself. In the best outback tradition it lists a number of complaints brought against Santa Claus by his production employees and transport workers, as well as by his spouse. After repeatedly calling jolly Saint Nick a nasty name for female genitalia the chorus ends up repeatedly prompting him (and anyone else inclined to do so) to "stick yer Christmas up yer arse, ho ho fucking ho." All this to the tune of "Jingle Bells." There's something about "Jingle Bells" that makes it too easy.... Note that it must be pronounced "arse"--this bloke's from a place where an ass is a burro and rightly so, but they prefer mules anyway. From the above you may correctly infer that the remainder of the song and the album as a whole are politically incorrect even by Australian standards. Don't expect to hear it on the radio.

A must have for any self-respecting bah-humbugger.

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