He's a feminist. You can tell by the way he opens the door for you. Isn't that it? Ladies first. He's a feminist. You can tell by the way he never makes you pay.

He's a feminist. He'd rather you wear a burqa, to mitigate the discomfort of having your tits stared at in revealing clothing.

He's a feminist. He listens because he knows it's your nature to talk a lot. Logic is his strong point, he says, emotion yours. You're delicate, and he's considerate. You are biologically designed to care. The motherhood imperative. And that's what he respects about you.

He's a feminist. Men hunt, women choose—and you chose him, he says. He knows you must have good taste.

He's a feminist. You, the fairer sex, you can't be expected to defend yourself. Lecherous, misogynist men want you because you're beautiful. There's no denying that, he says. That's why he's here; he believes in women.

He's a feminist. He tells that to all his mistresses.