Graphic Design - The ugly truth
Graphic design is the in some sort of visual medium, whether it be physical or digital and it's easy. It involves smoking a couple of cigarettes and thinking about the layout. This is followed by a bit of fancy pacing which means it's still an edgy situation. Time to smoke a joint. You close your eyes and let the nervous sweet smoke slowly sneak over the tongue, past the lips, and on past the philtrum. Time to layout a rough and see what sticks to the proverbial wall. Panic when you finish the first and second roughs. It looks like a bloody train wreck. Artie will hate it. almost twelve midnight. gotta ponder this a little more. Notice Quark is now degradding in performance and what's more, the palettes aren't snapping back when you drag 'em. Time to reboot this stupid PC. Think about all these stupid Gateway pieces of horse hockey Damn, I hate budgets! Stiffs in suits saying "WAAAAHHHHHH... DAMN THE MAC USERS!!!!!!"
Wish you were on the Macintosh at home. Rebooting gives you some spare time, smoke another doobie while you wait.
Graphic design usually originates in digital form on a computer but can end up as an image on a web page or some form of print such as a magazine or advertisement. It does. Somehow, the thing is appearing in the catalogue right now and you still haven't been paid. Pick up the phone. Stomp the numbers extra hard when you dial. Leave a message. Think about how the things still looks like a bloody train wreck, only now an altogether different one. This train wreck is more like the FEC train, not the New Orleans - Trans anymore. Laugh. Not only did they debase and deface and defecate all over your original genius layouts, they have had some in-house schmuck move all the pricing over and now it's impossible to tell how much the darned sweater costs, or anything else for that matter.
Curse your freelance setup. You should be the in-house guy making beacoup bank hacking up other people's work. Remember that you would be required to show up at eight thirty every morning to hear everyone's on-going critique of yoru work, plus their computer woes when they find out yoru resume includes MCSE certification. No regard for the big 16:9 Apple Cinema Display on your desk, dead center. Also ponder their employee drug testing policies. WAAAAHHHHHH... I CAN"T PRINT!!!!!!
Praise your freelance deal., Wonder when you might in some distant future get paid, hopefully before rent is due. Maybe if I break Sandra from Accounts Payable's legs I would get my bucks a bit sooner. Realize the amount they owe wouldn't cover the bail. You're too tense, smoke a joint and ponder that new layout in Macromedia Flash this time, hating the video clips and making a full course meal of your fingernails.
Go back the the first paragraph and perform the ritual again.
Do if for days straight with nothing but coffee, cigarettes, weed and vibrations entering yor system. At the end of which, you take two two-mg bars of Xanax and pass out after some serious masturbation, which requires more time in front of your computer because all your smut is digital smut. However, it is very high-grade since you have airbrushed most of them.
Apply Preperation H for the hemmorhoid you developed along with the layout.
...now you yourself layout... the client calls way too early the next morning very excited, okay, how did I fuck this up?
"Ralph, my friend, you are genius. You are getting all our layouts from now to Fall, and most probably beyond that. We love it and are running with it. Meet us at this inconvenient place at this inconvenient time. Agree and ponder suicide at the same time. Damn, I could have had an IRA!
Think about the fact that you will never use this in your porfolio because it's a bastardized, low-grade version, a shadow of your impactful original.
Go sign another huge deal for way too little money, you can't let the competition get this account.