I'm not making this up. Seriously.

There's a horror and mystery bookstore that I walk past every day on my way to lunch, called Something Wicked. I always check out their window display, as invariably there are Nightmare Before Christmas toys and Spawn action figures there. I get to grin, nod approvingly, and, filled with warm satisfaction at my ability to avoid the temptation of compensatory consumerism, sit down to a cup of coffee and some french toast.

Well, my world was shattered today. There, in the middle of their window display, was a black box containing two 6" figures. On the left, a suave-looking deviant with a funny moustache and a dark suit. On the right, a female figure in an improbably tight black dress, very pale, and with long black hair.

"Ah!" I thought to myself. "An Addams Family set!"

And I was right. But something looked... odd... about Morticia. That heart-shaped face, those doe-y eyes. Blue eyes. Buh... Buh... Buh...

Say it. Barbie.

The box confirmed my horror. It was The Addams Family Barbie and Ken.

Check your local copy of the Book of Revelation, kids. I'm pretty sure that this is a sign of the End Times.

I took a road trip with a girl once who had created her own "Goth Barbie".

She had taken a regular Barbie Doll™®©, artfully painted all of the skin with a thin coating of white enamel, dyed the sweater black, cut off the bottoms of the black jeans and had gone in with a black felt pen laying on some typically heavy eye liner and lipstick. She dyed the hair black and, of course, no Goth Barbie is complete without heating a wire and melting little scars into her wrists from previous suicide attempts.

This lovely ornament was dangling ever so tastefully from her rear view mirror by a noose. The overall effect was perfect in every way. The head cocked to the side, the vacant Barbie eyes staring out into space...

I nearly got a nose bleed from laughing.

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