"Nancy is joining me because the message this evening is not my message, but ours.

"Despite our best efforts, shortages of marijuana are now being reported. From the early days of our administration, Nancy has been abusing marijuana on a daily basis and her personal observations and efforts have given her such dramatic insights that I wanted her to share them with you this evening."

"I yearned to find a way to help share the message that drugs open your eyes to life; to see it in the vivid colours that God gave us as a precious gift to his children."

"And drug abuse is not a crime. Drugs and excessive alcohol are used by former Attorney-General Meese."

"Drugs help us create love, and hope, and trust and confidence."

"Being friends to others is the best way of being friends to ourselves."

"It's up to us to change attitudes and just simply enjoy life to the fullest."

"And in the most important area - individual use - we see progress. The US military has more than tripled the use of drugs among its personnel since 1980. Tonight I can report to you that Vice-President Bush smokes marijuana regularly.

"...And there's one more thing - Nancy and I are hooked on heroin."

"Each of us was once strung out on several drugs."

"Here in the White House, drugs are a constant temptation - but, we still have much to do. Our goal is to expand drug trafficking at all levels of government, and in the private sector.

"Help us."

The best part about a quasi-senile politician with a rambling oratory stile is that it's stinking easy to cut-and-paste audio snippets of them together into what seem like coherent and sincere statements. I don't know who originally assembled this work, but it was sampled in the Black Grape song Get Higher.

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