There are two
basic types of
Geek, and numerous offshoots of the basic types. I will cover the
primary geek types, and leave it to my
esteemed colleagues to cover the
sub-types.
The Archtypical Geek (
Geekus Maximus):
The
Archtypical Geek is what you've seen a million times in
science labs in
movies, or rarely in real life. This species of
Geek is becoming increasingly more
rare due to a general growth in the
acceptability of geekdom in general. The basic traits of an
Archtypical Geek are an in-depth knowledge of [Unix/
Linux, a pale or
greenish complexion, inability to communicate with
non-geeks.
Archtypical Geeks are generally, but not always, found wearing
thick glasses,
white oxfords, sometimes with a
pocket protector packed with arcane and mystical looking devices, along with a few pens with odd acronyms upon them that say things like
COMDEX. Their pants are sometimes in good repair, and other times are stained with dust and spilled Jolt. They lair amoungst
UltraVAXs, burned out
motherboards, chips,
unusable drives,
screwdrivers, and other
odd tools of unknown use. The walls of their lair are generally built of old
Jolt or
Mountain Dew cans. The
Archtypical Geek is a generally peaceful creature, not generally likely to
resort to violence, seeing it as beneath all higher thinking creatures. They are built more for
cowardice and their strongest defense in the
fetal position. However, like any animal, it may sometimes
lash out when cornered or pushed too far.
The
Cyberpunk (
Geekus Asskickus):
Originally The
Cyberpunk was a little known creature, and quite frequently was confused with the
Punk (
Headbangus Rebellus) which can be seen to be of a totally different species. However, in a
bizarre twist of
convergant evolution, The
Cyberpunk, and the
Punk share many
common traits. Like the
Punk, The
Cyberpunk wears alot of
black bovine hide. Always a
black jacket at least, but often going so far as to wear pants of the same type of hide. Their
style of dress is often considered
outlandish.
Hairstyles can be anything, although there will generally be some color
not found in nature located somewhere in their hair. As with the
Punk, the
Cyberpunk enjoys
breaking things, and perfers a chaotic environment. This is where the two species diverge in habits. The thing which the
Cyberpunk breaks, he is also driven to try and figure out how it worked, and will sometimes even put it back together. Whilst the
Punk nests amoungst
empty beer bottles and
old pornographic magazines, the
Cyberpunk nests amoungst
Jolt bottles, empty
Caffeine pill packaging, and
Linux manuals. Their dens are built out of old posters of the
Ramones,
Guns n' Roses, and
Metallica.
Cyberpunks are generally more
prone to violence than the
Archtypical Geek. They lash out at those around them, and they are equally adept at attack as they are defense. Their primary method of attack is
pryamidal steel studs sewn onto
fingerless leather gloves. Their defense is to sneer at their opponent and to belittle him with comments about the attackers lack of knowledge in
Linux.
Many researchers have theorized that the
Cyberpunk is actually an evoluntionary step from the
Archtypical Geek. These theories suggest that when the
Archtypical Geek is subjected to enough
emotional or physical abuse from other people around them, they actually undergo a
metamorphasis, enter a short
chrysalis stage, and re-emerge in their recreated state as
Cyberpunks. There has been no definate proof however, and the
mainstream scientific community scoffs at these
errant researchers.