PLEASE NOTE: The opinions of Francis E. Dec are NOT shared by this noder!
FRANCIS E. DEC, ESQUIRE: YOUR ONLY HOPE FOR A FUTURE!
”Gangster Computer God Worldwide Secret Containment Policy
made possible solely by Worldwide Computer God Frankenstein
Controls. Especially lifelong constant-threshold Brainwash Radio.
Quiet and motionless, I can slightly hear it. Repeatedly this has
saved my life on the streets.”
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
Many are the people who have found themselves sorted under the heading ”complete and total fucking maniacs” by their fellow men. Names like David Icke, “Wiolawa” or Alex Chiu are familiar to many, but if the title “Biggest Nutcase of All Time” was ever handed out, it would be awarded yearly to Francis E. Dec, Esq. Possibly even on a daily basis.
Francis E. Dec (or “Your ONLY Hope for a Future”, as he referred to himself) was a disbarred American lawyer of Polish heritage hailing from Hempstead, New York. Born in 1926, Mr. Dec is today most widely known for the barrage of insane rants that he, during the 1970s and 1980s, randomly sent out to various people, media outlets and places of business all across the US of A. These rants contain one of the single most twisted worldviews that has ever been created or expressed by mortal man. I’m dead serious here; the paranoid rantings of, for example, someone like David Icke pale in comparison to those of Francis E. Dec. He is the Beethoven, nay the unacknowledged Mozart, of paranoid schizophrenics everywhere; his insanity like undiluted wood grain alcohol compared to their weak-ass wine coolers. He is also one of America’s greatest comedic writers, regardless of whether you find laughing at him and his opinions offensive or not.
An overview of Dec’s writings
“Primarily based on your lifelong Frankenstein Radio Controls,
especially your Eyesight TV sight-and-sound recorded by your
brain, your moon-brain of the Computer God activates your
Frankenstein threshold Brainwash Radio — lifelong inculcating
conformist propaganda. Even frightening you and mixing you
up and the usual "Don't worry about it" for your setbacks,
mistakes — even when you receive deadly injuries! THIS is
the Worldwide Computer God Secret Containment Policy!”
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
Due to their utterly insane, rambling nature, listing every single claim put forth by Dec is nearly impossible. However, the vast majority of his writings deal with an entity (or perhaps “machine” would be a better term) entitled “The Worldwide Mad Deadly Gangster Computer God”, which is alleged by Dec as being in complete control of the entire world and – completely unbeknownst to the general public - ruling over us all as “… helpless, hopeless Computer God Frankenstein Earphone Radio Parroting Puppet brainless slaves”. Dec also claims all humans (especially himself) are regularly abducted and operated upon by the “Worldwide Mad Deadly Computer God” (“Usually at night!”), thereby furthering its terrible scheme of aging and killing us prematurely. Usually by age 70.
Other claims by Dec includes how your brain (that is, your real brain of the Computer God) resides in the “brain-bank cities on the far side of the moon we never see” and how the JerUSAlem Gangster government repeatedly uses it to brainwash you and exert control over your actions via mind control by using your “Gangster Frankenstein Eyesight Television” and “Gangster Frankenstein Earphone Radio”, both powerful mind control implants that can be used to both send and receive information that you are seeing and hearing. Additional themes include many different bizarre conspiracy theories concerning the assassinations of Kennedy and Lincoln and allegations of immoral conduct and recurring, almost ritual-like sodomy in many other US Presidents, living or otherwise. Oh yeah, and in the Pope, as well.
Dec also claims that what he refers to as the “Communist Gangster Government” is attempting to interbreed white people with black people, thereby creating a slave race of “Jew-mulattoes, the Communist ‘Black Wave’ of the future”. Racist or anti-Semitic claims such as these are commonplace within Dec’s insane ramblings and only further add to the bizarre and utterly unbelievable nature of his mad delusions. Oy vey.
Yet other elements by Dec incorporated into his rants are his savage hatred and slandering of certain judges and prosecutors who were once involved in a trial against him that culminated in his disbarment as a lawyer. More on this below.
It goes without saying that, much like in the case of the Matrix, Dec’s rants must be experienced to be fully “comprehensible” (a term used very loosely in this context).
As visible in the quoted examples throughout this article, Dec’s insane rants contain frequent examples of what clinical psychiatrists refer to as “Word Salad”, as well as an extremely highly developed conspiracy mindset where he literally suspects and disbelieves every last single person and thing on the entire planet of conspiring against him. This complete and total paranoia is just one of the many reasons why Dec’s rants become so amusing to listen to for the thrill-seeking enthusiast. Dec doesn’t just hate black people or Jews (which, by the way, neither does this noder) but instead hates everyone. There is no person innocent of conspiring against him, no institution not guilty of trying to assassinate him in secret. Everyone is in on the massive Conspiracy against poor, defenseless Francis E. Dec, Esquire. He stands alone against a world of villains, his ramblings the worlds’ only hope for salvation and insight into what’s truly going on.
This humorous, paranoid and rambling nature is probably the reason why Dec’s rants have been republished in so many places, from Robert Crumb’s magazine “Weirdo” to Donna Kossy’s book “Kooks: A Guide to the Outer Limits of Human Belief”. More on this below.
Background and upbringing
“When I returned home, Joseph I. Dec – my only brother and
Deadly felon-murderer and assassin-spy agent against me for this
Gangster Government - he BEAT ME REPEATEDLY, CURSING
me that I was not exterminated by all of the POISON NERVE GAS
SMOKE and that I did the IMPOSSIBLE in that I KEPT AWAKE FOR
THREE DAYS AND REFUSED ALL FOOD in order to prevent my
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
For a long time, what little was known of Francis E. Dec came primarily from his long-winded and rambling rants. It was not until late 2006 that new information surfaced, mainly courtesy of the National Archives and Freedom of Information Act. Hence, as so little is still known of the man, mapping the life of Francis E. Dec is a notoriously difficult proposition.
Francis E. Dec appears to have been born the son of Polish immigrants Jan (later “John F”) Dec and Rosalia Jaronek in New York, 1926, but apart from that little is known about his childhood and formative years. He did however have a brother named Joseph I. Dec, born in 1921 and mentioned by Dec in his later insanity-fueled monologues as a “…deadly villain-murderer and secret assassin SPY-AGENT against me for this GANGSTER GOVERNMENT!”, a description that should be taken with a grain of salt, if not an entire truckload. Also requiring semi truck-quantities of saline products are Dec’s later claims of Joseph having anal sex with loose women while Francis supposedly hid in his garage, fearing and avoiding savage beatings from him.
What little we do know of his upbringing, however, seems to indicate Francis E. Dec did as a child attend a parochial school taught by nuns, which would go well together with his cultural heritage as he was most likely Polish Catholic (much like Walter from The Big Lebowski, who is also fucking Polish Catholic, man). Interestingly enough, a savage hatred for the Pope, the Catholic Church and its tenets is also a recurring feature in Mr. Dec’s later insane rambling, possibly indicating later discontent with the religious beliefs that may have been spoon-fed to him as a child.
Military and professional life
“I have VIVID MEMORIES of sleeping next to a
Kosher ex-flying captain!”
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
When Dec was around 18 years old and just out of High School, World War II had already broken out, beginning with the invasion of Poland, his parents native country. Apparently unable to stand idly by and in stark contrast to his later apparent anti-Semitism, Francis E. Dec volunteered for the US Army in April 1944, underwent basic training in Biloxi, Mississippi and was later in the Army Air Forces Technical School in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. He was recommended for the Good Conduct Medal, and even though being qualified for overseas combat, was for some reason stationed stateside as a transition clerk for the remainder of WWII. Which was probably just as well since giving a loaded gun to Mr. Dec might likely have been a really bad idea.
After WWII had ended, Dec was honorably discharged as a soldier and attended law school, studying to become a lawyer. He also, either at the same time or at a later date, took a job (most likely clerical in nature, though it is difficult to know for sure) with the NY Police Department, which lasted until January, 1955 (see below). On March 31, 1954, he was admitted to the NY Bar Association as a practicing lawyer, a career that would tragically later be cut short; according to Dec himself through the “illegal gangsterization and persecution” of him supposedly carried out by the former Hempstead District Attorney Frank Gulotta ”and his impish staff”.
Suspicions of a Conspiracy
“Edward Robinson Jr. in obvious petrification, convulsive
and in hysterics attempted to STOP defendant by
screaming “LEVEL WITH ME!!!” over and over again as he
SLUMPED OVER HIS DESK PERSPIRING and looking up at
the District Attorney Frank Gulotta!”
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
In 1956 Dec, now a licensed attorney, was retained by one Elizabeth Wirschning to settle an injury claim after an automobile accident that she had been involved in. During this time, he is accused by the Hempstead District Attorney’s Office of having attempted to “Ambulance Chase” Mrs. Wirschning’s injury claim, something he categorically denies. Even though not a shred of evidence exists to prove his guilt, Dec is himself put on trial accused of Forgery in the Second Degree, Grand Larceny in the Second Degree, and Fraud or Deceit by a Notary Public, all fairly serious offences. Dec staunchly maintains his innocence and spends the entirety of his trial, as well as the rest of his life, claiming that he is innocent of the charges and that they were fabricated by the District Attorney’s Office with the specific intent of ruining his life by getting him disbarred from the NY Bar Association. This also turns out to be the eventual verdict of the trial as Dec, even though no real proof exists, is found guilty and sentenced.
According to Dec himself, he was supposedly falsely accused of the abovementioned fabricated charges because he had previously, during the early 1950s, “brought complaint” against several important judges and public figures belonging to the judicial department of Nassau County. One of the people Dec alleges he brought complaint against was one Henry H. Meyer, a former Assistant District Attorney of Nassau County. The complaints in question were, according to Dec, supposed to have been in regard of the charges of “felonious crimes” and ”"forging and cashing his son's disability checks in order to systematically defraud his son and place him in an insane asylum”. This event is also alleged by Dec to be what led up to him losing his job with the NYPD; an event alleged by Dec to have taken place in early 1955. According to Dec, he was ”forced out” of his job with the NY Police at a
secret meeting where he was “harangued and coerced” by Police Inspectors Looney, Kirk and Schufler, the latter alleged by Dec to have been an "unprosecuted sadistic murderer". The judicial conspiracy against Dec was hence, according to himself, at least partly an act of vengeance carried out by the corrupt judges because he dared bring to light the corruption amongst their numbers.
Due to the time elapsed since these events allegedly took place, it is difficult at best to say whether or not this actually happened. However, there appears to be at least superficial evidence that it did and that Dec’s trial may actually have been, as alleged by himself, "a Gestapo-like farce trial with fixed judge and jury" aimed at convicting him feloniously and getting him excluded as a lawyer.
Dec repeatedly, in a litigious fashion, attempted to appeal to both the Nassau County Court and the US Supreme Court regarding the supposed felonious conviction and disbarment of him as a lawyer. Interestingly, every last, single one of his appeals were denied, even though evidence was lacking, and his case - when it was filed with the US Supreme Court - was denied certiorari. This might also be indicative of an eventual conspiracy. Or it might not. Make up your own mind.
What supposedly happened to Dec after his disbarment is (possibly) even stranger still. As alleged by him in one of his rants, he once tried to “escape to Poland” in order to elude the supposed clutches of the US-based conspiracy, but was allegedly apprehended at Warsaw airport, beaten and flown back “in chains” to the US, possibly lending disturbing and even sinister dimensions to what might have actually been an eventual conspiracy against him by large, unseen forces within Nassau County.
Curiously, Dec still continued to use the title "Esquire" for the remainder of his life, seemingly indicating that he flatly refused to acknowledge being disbarred as a lawyer and that he considered the disbarment of him as having been done in error and on false grounds.
Life and career after the trial
““WORLDWIDE OPEN SECRET!! Solely Mr. Dec heralds the
TRUE GOD in the ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE!!”
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
It would seem logical to assume Dec’s sanity crumbled fairly rapidly after his conviction. It is not known whether or not he retained any steady employment after his exclusion from the NY Bar, but current evidence suggests not. Instead, he would apparently come to spend the next 30-or-so years of his life ”isolated alone” in what he termed as his ”low-deadly niggertown old house” in Hempstead, NY. After repeatedly attempting to appeal the verdict of his trial to various courts (and repeatedly failing to do so), Dec next took up the career for which he is most widely known today, namely that of an ”insane criminal MENACE to this WORSE Gangster Government”. Or, you know, just “insane kook” if you like that term better.
By now having no job and no income (one of Dec’s earlier appeals was sent to the Supreme Court In Forma Pauperis) and becoming more and more convinced there existed a real conspiracy against him (see above), Francis E. Dec appears to have retreated both further and further into isolation in his own house at the same time as his mind degenerated further into madness. He mentions almost never leaving his house (except when to buy food for his “vegetarian diet”) and being continually harassed by both people in the streets and by his own neighbors. Naturally, it remains very difficult to ascertain if these claims by Dec are true or not, especially since his mental health by now had degenerated below a level thankfully completely unknown to most mortal men. What we do know, however, is that Dec would during this time type up and send out most of his letters and rants to the general public (see above), something which apparently went on until the late 1980s or early 1990s (see below).
In his rants, Dec repeatedly petitions the reader for money ”…or even a manual typewriter” to help him in his struggle against the conspiracies he attempts to expose. It is currently unknown if any kind readers actually did help Dec financially by fulfilling his requests and sending him money.
Later years and death
”For your ONLY hope for a future, do you know
ONE word of pray for me, Francis E. Dec?”
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
It remains fairly unknown exactly when it happened, but at some point in his later life (possibly late in the 1980s or relatively early in the 1990s), Dec appears to have suffered what was seemingly a stroke, thereby sadly putting an end to both his letter-writing career as well as his rebellion against the “Communist-Atheist Conspiracy” and its ”Gangster Government”. An investigation into the matter showed that his house in Hempstead was, after 1993, once again owned by his brother Joseph I. Dec, possibly indicating Dec’s stroke took place during the year in question. Due to Dec’s earlier stint in the US Army (see above), he was granted Veteran’s Administration privileges and allowed free hospital care at a local NY VA Hospital, where he would come to live out the remainder of his life.
During his time in the VA hospital, Dec was in late 1995 visited by several of his fans who had managed to track him down and wanted to finally meet him in person. They flew to New York specifically for the purpose of speaking to him on his sickbed, dressed for the occasion as the secret agents Dec so greatly hated and feared. Their visit produced no answers (or even any comments at all) what so ever from Dec, but their timing turned out to be most fortuitous as Francis died only a few weeks later, on January 21, 1996. Strangely enough, he was exactly 70 years old when it happened, the same age stated in his rants as being the age when the “Communist Gangster Government” finally renders you ”useless and helpless, oy vey” via their ” inevitability of gradualness extermination”. Creepy.
Fame and notoriety
”The Chief Clerk, HE KNEW ME!!!”
-- Francis E. Dec, Esq.
Due to the hilarious nature of his mad rants, Dec had became something of a celebrity even while he was still alive. In 1986, Doc Britton a US disc jockey with the radio station KROQ-FM received one of the bundles of rants sent out by Dec during the mid-80s and decided to record them as audio versions, using random pieces of music mixed in quite at random in the background. These tapes then started circulating, which lead to increased interest in Francis E. Dec and his insane delusions. Even though many people have mistaken the voice in the rants as belonging to Francis E. Dec himself, it does in fact belong to Doc Britton. Britton also allegedly once drove out to Hempstead together with another fan of Dec in the late 80s and knocked several times on Dec’s door, hoping to finally meet and speak to the man behind the rants. Not surprisingly, given Dec’s extreme paranoia, there was no answer.
Dec’s rants have also been re-printed in Robert Crumb’s publication “WEIRDO”, as well as found their way into the theology of the Church of the Subgenius via the churches publication “The Stark Fist of Removal”.
Donna Kossy, renowned American zine publicist and author with an interest into kooks and their worldviews, has also included Francis E. Dec in her book “Kooks: A Guide to the Outer Limits of Human Belief” in which she labels him as “…one of the most mysterious characters in all kookdom.” (obviously, this was before the information contained in this write-up was discovered in late 2006). Dec is also considered a “saint” in Discordianism, where he is referred to as “St. Francis the Incoherent”. Dec’s delusions have also been made into a stage play by the theatre troupe “Radiohole” in 1999. There are also a ton of remixes of Doc Britton’s audio recordings of Dec’s rants done by Dec enthusiasts all over the Internet.
And me? The author of this write-up on Dec?
I am the author and creator of the Official Francis E. Dec Fanclub, the Internet’s hitherto only one-stop resource site for all things Francis E. Dec. I’ve been a fan of Dec’s insane ramblings for years, but it wasn’t until mid-2006 that I realized I must do something to further spread the word on him and his unintentional humor to other people worldwide (as a Frankenstein slave). I hence went to action by creating the Fanclub in question. As of mid-2007 (as I am writing this article), we’re the biggest, most coherent fan site for Mr. Dec anywhere on the web, something which I’m personally very happy about. Of course, to a large extent this has been because of our many wonderful contributors the world over, all of whom have helped the Fanclub prosper and grow as well as helped locate new material on Francis. Thanks guys!
Interestingly, Dec may never have been as popular as after his death. Not only is there now an Official Fanclub but new material, in addition to all his existing rants, has been located, illustrated and published online (by Yours Truly), as well. I wonder if Francis could have realized what a tremendous impact he’d have on countless people’s lives when he typed up his mad, rambling letters? Did he know he would reach out, touch and influence the minds of millions when he sat in the basement of his house in Hempstead and furiously typed up mad letters of warning about Computer Gods, Frankenstein Slaves and Brain-bank Cities on the Far Side of the Moon we Never See? I don’t know. It becomes obvious when reading Dec’s rants that he really thought everything he wrote of to be true and that he didn’t attempt at all to be humorous. Dec wanted to warn us of the Communist-Atheist Conspiracy, not to make us laugh. Yet make us laugh he did, especially Yours Truly. I chuckle every single time I listen to Dec’s mad ranting. Hell, sometimes I even guffaw loudly.
His unintentional humor aside, it cannot be denied that Dec lived a very sad, tragic and lonely life. The apparent judicial conspiracy aimed against him may actually very well have been real, but even if it wasn’t, it cannot be argued that Dec was not punished far more than any man should ever have to be – even an anti-Semitic racist such as him. His isolation, loneliness and torment as he, ”in forced, jobless poverty”, was secluded in his ramshackle house in Hempstead is only far too obvious in many of his rants and only serves to add a deeper, tragic dimension to the fascinating life lead by this honest-to-gosh American underground icon. I hope the judicial conspiracy against Dec can one day be exposed for what it really was, should it indeed turn out to have existed. On that same note, I feel it my duty to spread the word on the injustices possibly perpetrated towards ”WORSE-than-defenseless” Mr. Francis E. Dec, Esq, as well as on the unintentional humor of his writings. Maybe we will someday find out what really happened. On that note; should you, the person reading this right now, have any information on the life and times of Francis E. Dec, Esquire, please contact me (that is, zer0) at the Official Francis E. Dec Fanclub immediately!
Low, hopeless and helplessly Yours,
zer0 (Peter Branting), 2007
LINKS TO VARIOUS DEC-RELATED WEBSITES:
The Official Francis E. Dec Fanclub: http://www.bentoandstarchky.com/dec
Donna Kossy’s page on Dec: http://www.pacifier.com/~dkossy/dec.html
"I met Francis Dec" by Forrest Jackson: http://www.pacifier.com/~dkossy/decvisit.html
UBUWEB's page on Dec: http://www.ubu.com/sound/dec.html
WFMU’s page on Dec: http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2005/05/gangster_comput.html
RADIOHOLE's stage play on Dec: http://www.radiohole.com/show-heen.html