Recently came across a forgotten doll lying on the floor of a coffee shop. For some reason I picked it up and stared at it for the remainder of my time there.
On getting back home, realized I had carried it in hand the whole way. Vaguely I wondered as to why I had such an attachment to this doll. And then the words flashed across my brain:
It didn't remind me of anything.
If tidbits of memories and things from your past don't always cross your mind even when you are trying to think of blank white spaces, you won't get why this is so important to me. Memories, the past... constantly my thoughts are flooded with what once was. Why is it so hard for me to stifle these things down? Why can't I forget these useless things?
Most people remember only key moments of their childhood, while here I am in complete suffusion with useless details and even dreams of my childhood onto grade school onto etc. And it is bulked on with each passing second. Sometimes I'm laying in the grass and this huge chunk of time back when I would ride the trains everywhere during my teenage years will fill my head, and all I can think about is the sound of the car and the reflection of my face as the scenery flies by... someone with blue eyes asking me for change that day.
The point is: this doll represents nothingness. I get the same feeling from the smell of rain. And I like that feeling because for a moment at least I can have no past, no memories, and be free of what should be forgotten.
This doll is why I started boxing.
You can forget a lot when concentrating on throwing a good jab or straight.