Findings:

• For one thing, he was sure his granny would never have used smack.
• All the while he was talking she was thinking what his whiskers would feel like on the back of her neck
• When he was little, he laughed in his sleep.
• To a Poet, who would have me Praise certain Bad Poets, Imitators of His and Mine
• It was one of the worst things I have ever done
• Boy, I was sure lucky to be born into the one true faith!
• Yesterday, I believe I would never have done what I did today.
• I would've taken an axe to it, but I'm pretty sure the dryad would have pulverized me
• Jessica, too tall but still lovely, was not sure she would or should drop the whale
• if music was a woman you would have a mistress
• He stretched out his arms but she was not there
• I have never been sure that you knew quite how much I loved you
• Like most of my dreams, that one was licensed for commercial use
• I can never be sure if it was real or just another illusion
• You Should Never Have Asked Him About His Job!
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• Why would he want a writer when he could have a dancer?
• He will have the taste of warm ripe fruit in his mouth
• a thousand more names I would have called you. One more enormous thing.
• When he was five, his father made him murder his imaginary friend.
• I always knew I would have a 21st birthday but I never thought I'd be 21
• As I looked back, he was reveling in his own feces
• He had a prison of brass built in the hole, and then, when it was finished, he locked up his daughter
• The Abridged Edition: She was to one side, he was to the other, an untested bridge between them
• It is never too late to be what you would have been
• What if I had never met you? How much the poorer would my life have been.
• He was born with the gift of logic but the inability to use it
• To think that there are kids today that have never used a joystick
• I'm the only person who'd ever told him to his face he was beautiful.
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• Using a command line
• The hope that one of us would learn to swim
• His socks do not have a smell, which is so courteous.
• Each one was the scene where you hold your breath
• He Died with a Felafel in His Hand
• There was no one waiting for me...
• he listened so well, he was still curious.
• The sky rained tears. I was sure.
• The one my father never met
• My brother is still dead... and now I have his car...
• It would have been an excellent story but I had to get off the train
• Trying to catch one clear promise out of the jittery confused language the night was whispering
• Don't misunderstand this one, it was like palm against palm through a window
• One big happy random assortment of truckstop trinkets
• Have One On Me
• I would have killed for a sexual thought
• Can God create a boulder so large He can't have anal sex with it?
• Free to good home: One slightly used ninja
• How Candide Was Brought Up in a Magnificent Castle and How He Was Driven Thence
• He flops over and bonks his head
• He throws his heart down like a gauntlet
• He wakes up everyday, puts an empty gun in his mouth, and pulls the trigger.
• He vowed not to consider any time interval shorter than one hour.
• His love was enormous; it cleared rooms that desperately wanted to be full.
• Never use transparencies inside a laser printer
• if one of us should flicker and vanish, mid-drag, don't bat an eye. claim a spot on the curb and never give an inch.
• Words that only have one context
• I have no scars. I have never loved.
• Is this what I have been seeking? Or is it an echo, a remnant, a sign that I was wrong?
• I was less than one hundred footsteps away from you I suppose
• He was confirming to himself that they were laughing with him after all
• Long and lean, he was a sex machine, and he schooled every girl in town
• It Was a Lover and His Lass
• I was Dan for fifteen minutes and I never want to be Dan again
• I have never
• I still have the skull of the one that tried to bite my leg off
• I sincerely hope you have one of these somewhere in your life.
• We have the right to use our bodies as weapons.
• One hour there was sunlight
• At least he was gentle
• He never looked back
• Donald Duck was banned in Finland because he doesn't wear pants
• Making sure your ballot was counted in a United States Election
• She was never mine. I always shared her.
• If I was any good at this, I would be getting paid
• A man who never sees a pretty girl without loving her a little
• He Had Not Where To Lay His Head
• She grew a little older, while he was telling her
• When that cow would walk it was like she was dancing
• I would have leapt at the innuendo you had strewn at my feet.
• I have never talked to you, yet I hate you
• He was the kind of man who shacked up for shelter
• The Trial: Andrew Johnson was not guilty of the crimes for which he was impeached.
• The Message of King Sakis and the Legend of the Twelve Dreams He Had in One Night
• there was at that moment no one more rightful dead than that unknown and faceless man
• An ocean away and here he was, seeping into her
• Tom, He was a Piper's Son
• We knew the blubbering one in glasses would yield the most meat.
• I kicked the Martian in his otherworldly balls, and he screamed like the solar wind howling through a planetary magnetosphere
• I never even went to Las Vegas, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
• Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
• And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids!
• I have one whole anus
• I was the center of gravity of Chicago for one beautiful Saturday
• How the Old Woman Took Care Of Candide, and How He Found the Object of His Love
• Would Jesus Christ give money to every bum he came across?
• He who does not forget his first love will not recognize his last
• He never killed a man that did not need killing.
• His ex-wife was so frigid, her clitoris was only the tip of the iceberg.
• because his heart was heavy, closing, like a tired eyelid
• Things I Thought I Would Never Hear Myself Say
• Many of me, laid end to end, would never reach the moon
• If this were in person, I would have kissed her now
• If you didn't have free will, would you know it?
• Stoned music memories
• Questions we will never have answers to
• When H.A.R.L.I.E. Was One
• I remember, there was one
• This is an ode to the one I have loved the least
• When I woke up this morning, I thought I was a parallelogram. I still have a sneaking suspicion.
• No one learned anything, because there was nothing to learn.
• It was late when he came home; it woke you up
• I didn't love him until I feared I would lose him. One does not love breathing.
• Has no one told you he's not breathing?
• What did people use as incidental music before Moby was invented?
• For future reference, when in eternity or insanity; dreams I would like to have
• What I would do If I knew what was good for me
• I would like to have emotions
• You are never dedicated to something in which you have complete confidence
• A Quick One (While He's Away)
• More than he was willing to give
• judge a captain not by his shipwrecks, but by whether or not he blames the sea
• I was never any good at maths at school
• And it's one more good thing that will never be again
• Phone books have never been this exciting!
• When I tell stories about you I have to use my hands
• You'll be something special one day. And you -- you have to take care of your sister.
• Does Molly Weasley have to choke a bitch?
• The one he murdered once still loves him
• God has power, whether or not one believes in Her/Him
• I was sure it was her
• I'll never be the one to force my parents into an "old age" home
• Would you mind never speaking to me again?
• I was one of those girls
• Life is material; you just have to live long enough to figure out how to use it
• I spent one year in love and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt.
• The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist
• He weaves his words
• He touched her once and she turned into a golden creature. He never touched her again.
• He was an ant on an ill-defined mission. She was the trapdoor spider of love.
• Tolstoy's use of his characters to bring forth his themes
• Never use someone else's outline to write copy from
• I never thought I'd have something to say
• If Gore Had Won (A cautionary tale)
• No one has ever died because they DIDN'T have a toothpick
• Never underestimate the impact you have on your fellow human beings.
• He's dead, Jim. You grab his wallet, I'll grab his tricorder.
• I married him because he was not mean
• he thought it would be great fun to conquer the world
• Why I was convinced I would die young
• I never thought it would be like this
• Scientology is a wonderful religion that I would never want to sue me
• Things never were what they used to be
• I learned never to empty the well of my writing, but always to stop when there was still something there in the deep part of the well, and let it refill at night from the springs that fed it.
• If you or a loved one have been injured or killed
• Advantages an invisible man would have in the world
• We are the ones we have been waiting for
• She doesn't know what he sees, but sometimes it makes his face beautiful
• Seven opening lines if he would ever look me in the eye
• He Used Not To Sleep / He Hid Under The Bed
• My man was shot for his sheep coat
• No one will ever love Adam for his honesty. It's just not there
• Would you tell me if it was true?
• The Firestone dealership was full to the brim with cars. But I reasoned I would need a boat, since my desire was to go to Ireland. Just then a harsh reminder surfaced; water is expensive in hell.
• How to develop one side of your butt and still have the other one flabby
• I would have tried, but Charlotte kept Charlotte in the world of Charlotte and she barely heard me
• I would have liked thunder when she left
• Inventors have one hand in the junk drawer
• Which God was cooler, the one from the Old Testament or the one from the New Testament?
• For a few more precious seconds, the body I was born with was still in one piece
• If it had been able to, the light would have smiled

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