May 18th.

You've lived the day. Now feel the power.

Foetal Position Day.

This started as one of those high-school in-jokes that was too good to abandon.

My rationale was this: Everyone has a day to celebrate the monumentous occasion of their deëmbryonization (also called, their "birth"), when they stopped being a foetus and started being a baby. It's called their "birthday."

But this underrates the trials and tribulations of actually being a foetus. I mean, seriously, your birth-time is measured in hours; your foetal status is measured in months. shouldn't there be some annual celebration reflecting on the importance of this time of personal growth, meditation, and gestation?

I think the answer is "Yes, you fool!"

"But," you may object, "dude," you may say, "your birthday is individualized. It's kinda tacky to have a generic Foetal Position Day that everyone shares."

You think that's tacky? Consider the alternative: Everyone has an individualised Conception Day. Now, you know all the weird stories your parents tell you on your birthday – it's how I learned that my mum missed a rerun of Bonanza to give birth to me, which in turn is a reminder of my exact time of birth: 10:37am (because Bonanza showed at 10:30am).

Now, can you imagine the stories your parents would tell you on your Conception day? "One night after a Grateful Dead concert...." I shudder.

So instead, I thought it was better to have a generic Foetal Position Day. Since nine months covers 75% of a year, approximately 75% of the population actually was a foetus on May 18th – probably myself included (my birthday is January 11th). My real reason for choosing that day, though, was that the year I announced Foetal Position Day (1997), May 18th was Victoria Day, so I got it off school.

Now, sometimes, I request time off work on May 18th for a "religious holiday." I suggest you all do the same, enjoy the warm spring air, and curl up somewhere pink.

Reclaim your foetal heritage!