Okay, here at the library need to focus on getting this essay due for tomorrow there’s a table I can sit at good oh nice it’s by the window plenty of light to work by let’s get my laptop out and turn it on good God this thing is so slow grab my textbook and writing guide make sure they’re open to the right pages who sneezed finally laptop’s booted up open Word now start writing how should I start I’m not sure maybe a witty anecdote or an observation about life or oh look hot chick jogging outside mmm short-shorts and sports bra I’d love to put my hands on her luscious dude no time for that need to focus on this essay who sneezed again let’s see what the writing guide recommends oh my God this book is so boring let’s get on Facebook for a moment to clear my mind oh hey Joe wrote a new note ha ha ha ha awesome oh my God it’s been twenty minutes already gotta work on this essay I want a burger I know what I want to write about so maybe if I just start with my thesis statement now someone’s coughing ugh how long should I make this thing one page two pages red pages blue pages the teacher didn’t say how long it needs to be as long as I get my point across and without lengthy pontification what does pontification even mean I should look that up let’s see www.dictionary.com “to express opinions or judgments in a dogmatic way” huh weird I don’t get it well whatever what was my thesis again oh yeah let’s look up some evidence in the textbook maybe I should do a bullet list outline first did someone fart do I need a full paragraph for each bullet point or should I try to make a whole bunch of points and cram them into a single paragraph or I guess I should see how many different points I can come up with out of BOOBIES this book though I should probably do a paragraph for each point so I can cite evidence aww a picture of a kitty in the book how cute I wonder how my cat’s doing probably tearing up the furniture right now or climbing around the kitchen counter even though I constantly tell him not to go up there stupid cat but he’s so cuddly and cute I can’t hate him for that should I do the five paragraphs from high school I mean I know how to do that well but this is college and the teacher probably expects something more extensive than that and he’s an English professor so he probably wants it all super-professional or something and did he want single-space or double-space I can’t remember maybe I should call we all live in a yellow submarine a yellow submarine a yellow submarine oh great now that’s stuck in my head and I won’t be able to get it out until tomorrow stupid jukebox in my head and whose phone is that oh my God I can’t concentrate here argh screw you guys, I’m going home!

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