I don't sleep much anymore. Sometimes I do, and dream eclectic dreams, but something calls to me. I don't know what I'm looking for out there. It's just enough for me to sit there with everything in the world at my fingertips. I hope I'm not alone out there.

Other nights I forget the sadness with which my life has become hopelessly intertwined, and instead I enter the pulsating world of the beat. Inside the dark warehouses and abandoned buildings the elements of the underground come together in a hallucinatory haze of lights, sound, and dance. Strangers move as one entity and burn ourselves to transcendence for hours. And when the sun rises and we all go our separate ways and the love that we found in the eyes and the movement of each other never leaves us.

I looked for someone to discover me. I would become a goddess to him and live a love story that contrasts so much with the transient and shadowy life that I lead, but I never guessed that he would have been there all along. So I sit there in the presence of my first love and yearn. My love is returned, but has never been declared, it sits there, a silent secret in my heart. We lie together and I long for all of him, not daring to reach for more for the fear of being lonely again, yet warm in the depths of my soul.

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