Near death
or dream.
A door. Tunnel
widens. One finger

beckons in front
of cervix like angels
singing, “Stay.
Stay!” Hips sigh.
Parted. Deep

dusk breaths.
Two
fingers spread.
Knead.
Thrust need.
Sweat like resting
dough. Spine
rising.

Three, thrust. The first
orgasmoven hot
swimming heat
haze. Legs spill
over shoulders.
Rising. Four,
oiled fingers

sizzle. Back
brown loaf arched.
Now. Five curl.
Clench. Break
like bread promises.

Relax to rhythmic
tender punching.
passion. Vulnerability
at arm's length.
c.f. handballing.

Fisting is the art of inserting the hand (past the knuckles, to the wrist) into the vagina, the anus, or some other orifice of the body. It is generally considered to be a BDSM activity, in that it pushes the limits of the body beyond what they're normally expected to handle.

(In the gay BDSM community, fisting is called 'handballing', and is part of a larger set of activities called 'assplay'.)

A couple of notes about fisting:

  1. The practice is performed, in the course of their work, by veterinarians, especially when midwifing the birth of a calf, foal, or other large animal.
  2. The earliest known record of someone requesting to be fisted was Jesus. (When Thomas doubted his authenticity as his Lord, Jesus asked him to put his hand within the hole that the Roman's spear made.)
fisting: a vernacular term for the sexuoerotic practice of inserting the hand and forearm into the rectum or vagina, also known, respectively, as brachiorectal and brachiovaginal insertion. Also known as brachioproctic eroticism (BPE) and brachiovaginal eroticism (BVE); fist-fucking in the vernacular.

Dictionary of Sexology Project: Main Index

The love of my life and I spoke of fisting and toyed with it a few times over the years unsuccessfully. Perhaps we were afraid of tearing something or I may have been scared of the pain. This was before I was an established masochist. Besides, we'd start doing that and end up moving on rather quickly. :)

Jeremy was my first attempt beyond that. It was in the back of slave george's mini-van while the sun was rising in the sky after we'd been playing the night away at Paddles. Jeremy kneeled bewteen my legs, enticingly dressed in one of his full black latex outfits. He put on latex gloves, dripped lube on his hand and began to tease me a bit. The vision was odd, but quite erotic. I felt as if I had some mad scientist toying away down there. *smirk*

Two, then three, then four, then five fingers inside of me...I closed my eyes to get lost in the feeling. I also closed my eyes to prevent motion sickness since slave george was in the process of driving us home and the skyscrapers were going by just a little too fast. Five fingers, up to the knuckle -- Just one more millimeter was all he needed, but no matter how much I relaxed I wasn't able to receive his fist. He argued that I technically was fisted, but I wasn't consoled.

We had a foursome on another occasion during which Jeremy rather easily fisted my friend Indigo as I watched. It was a beautiful sight to watch, but nonetheless, I was a bit taken aback that it had been so easy for her and it hadn't yet happened for me. I rationalized that it was because she tended to date um, larger, guys. My biggest concern has always been the quality of head that I get. I asked her advice, regardless.

"Try bearing down like you're giving birth."
"It's going to hurt a little anyway, you just have to get past that point."

She tried to coach me through it when I made another attempt with a fellow submissive chick named nadine. I was lying on the medical exam table at Paddles. First off, nadine had long nails and had to stuff the tips of the gloves with cotton so she wouldn't tear up the gloves or me. Even though she said she was bi, she was more like a 3 on the Kinsey scale and was hesitant about doing it, but she had been commanded to do so by her Master. Her touch was too gentle; the mood was wrong; the arousal wasn't there.. Again, it came down to needing that last millimeter. It sure as hell wasn't going to happen this time around.

After that, I had tried with Alberto. He was Dominant, and was usually able to put me in a nice, happy, sexually submissive headspin. I was anxious, excited and overeager to make another attempt. He told me that he wouldn't let me have his cock again until I took his fist (which wasn't teribly narrow, mind you). While he meant well, these words only frustrated and upset me more and I began to lose all hope for a success fisting experience.

A weekend TES-sponsored kink event hit the city in mid-August. I had discussed the possibility with Jeremy of trying again and he reminded me that there's no guarantee that it would happen despite my efforts to convince my body that it would, but that he would be willing to do it. Saturday night at Paddles, I was flirting with a man named David that I had met earlier and felt a connection to on a crowded elevator. I brought up fisting. David's interest was piqued as it was something he had done before and enjoyed greatly. We stalked out the gynocological exam table and moved on in the second another couple had evacuated.

I couldn't help but have a moment of panic. It was the first time I was playing with David. We had barely spoken to each other prior to that day, though we'd seen each other many times before. We shared a kiss, and a few light caresses that evening. Here I was about to let him do something so personal, so intimate and intense. Staring into his eyes, feeling his warm energy soothed me. I stripped and hopped up onto the table. I could see the crowd gathered behind him despite the bright overhead light that was shining on me. I looked into his eyes and the crowd faded away since the raw intensity between us was overwhelming. He began.

With each probe I melted around his hand a bit more, our eyes locked the entire time, a huge grin plastered on both of our faces. It didn't take long to get to the last millimeter, though instead of pushing it at that point, he refocused on pleasuring me and building me back up to it. The last millimeter came again, and again. He told me to fuck his hand and I began grinding my hips against his hand, pushing, trying to open myself up to him...to no avail.

We paused, hugged, talked, kissed, caressed. He told me that fisting is no different from fucking, a comparison I had never made before, and I could see that there was a definite truth to it. He asked me how I usually prefer to have sex. " On my hands and knees of course," I replied with a smile. He smiled. I flipped over and slipped back into space.

Within five minutes his hand was part of my body. I didn't want to move an inch because I felt so full. I didn't want him to even breathe for fear of his hand moving around too much inside of me. It was a dash uncomfortable, but not unpleasant. I closed my eyes, breathed deeply a few times and focused on the hold he now had on me. I looked back at him to connect with him and we both couldn't stop smiling. It was amazing! I had a spiritual orgasm.

At this point in time I realized that I wanted a picture since I like chronicling events via photo. The only problem was that my camera was in coat check and neither of us were in a position to run and get it. *snicker* I called out to Indigo, who wasn't that far away, but she was occupied with one of her submissives as well. David talked me out of it with the consolation that we'd just have to do it again someday.

A few minutes later, I started to feel a slight burn and we both recognized the need to pull out. Giving birth to a hand was quite a strange and unusual feeling, and I felt as if my insides were going to come out along for the ride. And then there was emptiness. I collapsed slightly and mourned the loss of his hand. My cunt was throbbing, yearning to be filled again, feeling as it never has before.

I was in awe. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly as he caressed my hair, peeking once or twice to watch him stare at me with a smile on his face. He was obviously just as amazed by the experience. I had the feeling that we had known each other in a past life earlier that day, and that experience strengthened that vibe.

We were reborn through each other that night.

Introduction

Fisting is the sexual practice of inserting an entire hand, up to the wrist, into the vagina or anus. It's also sometimes called (somewhat crudely) "fist-fucking"; within the gay male community, anal fisting is often known as "handballing". While most often this involves one person (the fister) penetrating another (the fistee), there are statistically significant numbers of people who have the flexibility to penetrate themselves with their own hands ("self-fisting").

This writeup explains the details of vaginal fisting for people who are curious to try it. While a fair amount of the details herein certainly apply to anal fisting as well, do not use this as a reference for that activity — there are far better resources available. The intended audience for this writeup is a couple consisting of a woman with a partner of either gender. In my ideal world, the couple would read this together before proceeding, or at least read it seperately and then talk about it together beforehand. I've tried to orient this document towards both intended readers rather than just either one.

A Reality Check: Communication and Safety

If you only read one section in this writeup closely, make it this one. Please. For your own sake.

First and foremost: Is this an activity you should be trying? Fisting is not an activity for people who do not enjoy penetration. If the woman in question has problems enjoying penetration with fingers, sex toys, or penises, she almost certainly will not enjoy fisting.

Is this an activity you both have interest in trying? If either partner is uninterested or reluctant to participate, for whatever reason, call it off.

Do you have good communication? Can you both be relied upon to speak up when something needs to be said? To listen to your partner and give them all requisite consideration? To not pressure someone into doing something against their better judgement? If the answer is no, stop right now. Go work on your communication before trying fisting.

While fisting is not particularly dangerous (least of all compared to things we do every day, like driving), it does involve stretching an intimate part of a woman's body past everyday ranges. While the stretching is certainly within normal operating parameters for the body part, listen to your body: if it's telling you that what you're doing hurts real bad, stop. It's an indication that you're trying to take your body too far, or maybe just too fast. While people often report that there is some amount of pain involved with fisting, it's almost always of the "hurts so good" variety, and is accompanied by dramatic pleasure. Intense pain, unaccompanied by anything else, is not the goal, it's a warning sign. Heed it.

The fister needs to take care of themselves as well. If their hand or arm starts hurting due to their position or the compression of their hand, stop. While there's no chance of serious injury (stories of people having their hands broken during fisting are urban legends), you don't want to strain your muscles, or reduce the blood flow to your limbs too much. If nothing else, it might make you have to end the fisting before you want to, and what fun is that? Again, listen to your body: if it's complaining, try different positions until you find one that's more comfortable, or take a break to give you a chance to recover and try again.

This is the most important section of the entire writeup, and I urge you to give it serious and honest consideration. If fisting isn't something you're both ready and enthusiastic to try, give it a pass. You can always try it again later after you've worked through whatever concerns and issues you have. It's far better to put it off for a while than to try it when ill prepared and have it go poorly. Sexual activities are already emotionally loaded for couples, and that's even more true when there's the potential for pain.

Supplies

Supply requirements:

  • lube — the details of selecting a lube are beyond the scope of this writeup, but try the excellent sexual lubricants node
  • nail clippers
  • a nail file or emory board

Supply suggestions:

  • disposable gloves (latex, nitrile or vinyl)
  • cotton balls — for putting in the tips of the gloves to provide an additional layer of protection against fingernails
  • towels (lots of 'em, the bigger the better) — put them down on your bed to keep the lube from getting on your sheets
  • a couple glasses of water — you'll want them after you're done
  • a washcloth — for cleaning lube off things
  • extra pillows — for providing support and cushioning (see below under Assume The Position)

Pre-Event Grooming

Long, ragged, or sharp fingernails can cause pain when you penetrate someone with your fingers. This goes double for fisting: all five fingers are involved, and there's more force pushing your nails against the woman's vagina. What might be acceptable for penetration with two fingers won't fly when the whole hand is involved. Do not skip this step!

Clip, clean, and and file the fister's fingernails as short as possible, being sure to remove any sharp or ragged edges. The filing step is mandatory as well; freshly clipped nails are sharp, and that's worse than than having them be long. Give both hands the same treatment, so long as you're doing it. In for a penny, in for a pound, and as you'll see below, you may end up using a different hand for this than you expect. Take your time and do this right; scratching someone's delicate insides of is one of the quickest ways to end what otherwise would be a most pleasant experience.

If the fister doesn't want to ruin their expensive manicure or nail job, or is concerned that the trim is insufficient, or you're operating under a deadline and don't have time to do it right, put half a cotton ball in the fingertip of each glove to isolate the fister's nails. It's not perfect, but it's much better than nothing.

No Glove, No Love?

Strictly speaking, absent the normal safer sex concerns, gloves are, in fact, optional for this activity. Despite that, I highly recommend using them, for a good number of reasons:

  1. Gloves provide a much smoother surface than your skin, which is extremely helpful when you're working on getting your fist inside someone. Any minimization of friction is beneficial.
  2. Gloves help buffer the edges of your fingernails.
  3. Gloves make cleanup easier. Once you're done, pull them off and toss them away, and your hands are immediately clean and dry (if a bit sweaty and flushed), and you can proceed with the cuddling without having to go wash up first. Additionally, if you need to stop suddenly, instantly having clean hands to deal with whatever issue has arisen is a clear benefit.
  4. Your hands are your primary manipulators in your day to day life, and thus are exposed to numerous unpleasant substances that you don't want to deposit inside the woman's vagina; gloves prevent that from happening. If you're not going to use gloves, wash your hands and forearms thoroughly, and make sure you do a really good job of cleaning under your fingernails.
  5. Gloves can be sexy, if you eroticize them properly.

Standard safe sex rules apply: make sure you pick a lube that's compatible with your barrier. Oil-based lubricants break down latex, etc.

While I'm on the subject, here's an additional Public Service Announcement: latex allergies are on the rise, and they appear to be exacerbated by exposure. This is a concern for both the person being penetrated and the glove-wearer: latex allergies are most common among health care workers who wear latex gloves all day. So, do yourselves a favor: try some latex-alternative barrier products if you can. The commonly available non-latex gloves are nitrile and vinyl. Nitrile behaves very much like latex and usually comes in robin's egg blue, but can be a bit expensive and hard to find. Vinyl gloves are cheap and easily available, but regrettably are not as good a material as latex or nitrile; they tend to deform and thin under stress a little too easily for my tastes.

Set The Stage

Set the mood. Dim the lights a little, if you like, but not so much that you can't see what you're doing. Turn the TV off. If you like music during sex, pick something intimate and relaxing, not the stuff you like to play during hard, pounding, endless fucking. Fisting can take some concentration; you want to create an environment that's relaxed but focused and intimate.

Gather all your supplies together beforehand. If everything goes well, one person will have their hand embedded in their partner, and having to take the hand out to retrieve a forgotten item is a real bummer. Put the towels out on the bed to catch any lube spillage.

The Qualifying Lap

Don't try to jump right into it. A woman's vagina becomes more elastic as she becomes aroused. Start slow, without heavy penetrative play. If the woman in question is one of those lucky lucky multiorgasmic ladies, you may want to try getting her off a few times first to help loosen everything up. Oral sex, external application of a vibrator, or mutual or solo masturbation are all excellent ideas to get her motor running, but in the end, do whatever works for her.

Pick A Hand, Either Hand

Now, you have to pick which hand the you're going to try fisting with. Most people are slightly asymmetric, and one of the ways that manifests is slight size differences between paired body parts: one hand, foot, eye, breast, testicle, arm, leg, etc. will be slightly bigger or longer than the other. There are a variety of urban legends and old wives' tales about this: if you're right handed, your left hand and left foot will be bigger, or there's a "clumsy & strong & big" hand and a "dextrous & weak & small" hand. I haven't found any substantial truth to these; the best way I've found to measure which hand is bigger is empirically, either via something like glove sizing, or, well, fisting. (This is how I determined my left hand is smaller than my right, even though I'm right-handed.)

If the fister has relatively small hands, this shouldn't matter much. However, if the fister has bigger than average hands, you may be able to achieve success with the smaller hand, and not the bigger hand. (This was the case with the first woman I fisted.) There's no magic formula here: if you can't clearly tell which hand is bigger, try both and see which one you have more success with. If you're trying this for the first time, you may want to glove up both hands so that the you can switch off quickly if you decide to try the other hand.

In any event, once you've picked your hand (or hands), glove them up: it's time for things to start getting messy and serious.

Assume The Position

Positioning is important in fisting, perhaps more so than in any other penetrative activity. You're attempting to expand the woman's vagina beyond its typical daily range, and the positioning of her pelvis and legs can dramatically affect the space available within her pelvic cavity. There are three major positions that seem to work for fisting. Start with the one that you think has the best chance of success, but don't be afraid to try the others.

  • Missionary: The woman lies on her back, knees bent and feet resting flat, and her partner kneels between her spread legs. (If it's more comfortable, she can try resting them on her partner's shoulders). It can be beneficial to elevate her pelvis into the air somewhat; take the extra pillows and put them under her hips. (Don't forget to put them under the towels to keep the lube off.)
  • On Her Side: The woman lies on one side at about 85 degrees, and holds one leg up in the air. (Again, resting it on her partner's shoulder for comfort if necessary.) Use the extra pillows under her hip for support and elevation if necessary.
  • Hands And Knees: The woman supports herself on her hands and knees. Alternately, she can fold her arms under and rest on her shoulders; this may be optimal, as it tends to tilt the pelvis upward somewhat. (As an added bonus, it frees up her hands to reach between her legs and play with her clitoris.) Use the extra pillows to support her shoulders, or pile them up so she can rest her abdomen and hips on them and thus not have to hold herself up. (If the lack of eye contact in this position is a concern, get a full length mirror and place it in front of the fister. Eye contact and facial expression can be important parts of communication during fisting — as well as one of the sublime joys of the experience — so I strongly recommend this.)

Whatever position you do choose, make sure it's comfortable for her to stay there for an extended period of time. Positions where she has to support her body weight are suboptimal; use the extra pillows to make a cushion she can relax on.

Greasing The Wheels

Lube is essentially mandatory for fisting. Much like skipping gloves, you may be able to get away with it sometimes, but there's really no reason to do so. Most women provide insufficient natural lubrication to make fisting comfortable. Even if you know or suspect that you are one of the rare few that do, please, try it with lube the first few times at least, just to be safe.

There are two simple rules for lube in general, and they apply double during fisting:

  1. There is no such thing as too much lube.
  2. Cold lube is a turn-off; warm it up first.

You can warm the lube up either by squirting it onto your gloved hands and rubbing the palms together to create friction, which has the side benefit of helping distribute the lube over your gloves, or by slightly more technological means. I'm told that baby bottle warmers work well for this purpose; if you're lacking such items, warm up some water in the microwave or on the stove, and float the bottle of lube in it for a while. If you're going to warm it up by artificial means, test it on your forearm first, so you don't end up squirting too-hot lube directly onto your hands or her genitalia.

Get your gloved hand(s) sufficiently covered with the lube, making sure to get both the palm and the back of the hand, and inbetween the fingers. (This is why you put the towels down earlier, so that you don't underdo the lube for fear of creating a giant cold greasy lube spot on your bed.) You don't need to overdo it when you're first lubing up; you'll be supplementing with additional lube repeatedly during the process. Don't be afraid to add more lube later, whenever you think it might be necessary.

Ramping It Up

Add some lube directly onto the woman by squirting it onto the top of her vagina and penetrating her with one finger, or two if past experience has shown that you can do that easily. Use your fingers to help carry the lube inside. Work on encouraging her vagina to stretch by moving your fingers around gently. The goal here is to keep her arousal level up, encouraging her vagina to expand, and periodically introducing an additional finger and more lube. Don't forget that penetration is not everything — pay attention to the rest of her body during this phase, too. Don't be resistant to letting her help; some of the best fisting experiences I've participated in were achieved through me concentrating on penetration while she rubbed her clit. Again, if she's multiorgasmic, an orgasm or two at various points can contribute wonderfully to helping the process along.

When you feel comfortable trying, introduce another finger, along with more lube. If there's resistance, don't force it — back off and try again in a bit. Attempting to hurry this doesn't help you, and only increases the likelyhood that one of you will get frustrated and sore and want to stop. Fisting should not be a goal-oriented activity; getting there is more than half of the fun. You've got your gloved, lubed fingers deeply penetrating your partner; that should be a fun night by anyone's standards.

Continue until you have four fingers inside your partner. My usual metric for proceeding is, if you've got all four fingers inside, lined up in a plane (like a knife-edge chop in martial arts), inside her to the point where the web between your thumb and index finger is resting against the top of her vagina, and your thumb is placed right above her clit, and you still have room to wiggle their fingers a little, you're ready to try and proceed. Please don't try and skip steps; if you can't get four fingers inside comfortably, five is not going to work.

The Main Event

Pull your hand back slightly, and apply more lube, both to your hand and her vagina. Pay special attention to the widest part of your hand, where the root of the thumb joins the palm. If there's going to be any problems fitting your hand inside, this is where it's going to happen.

Straighten your fingers, and curl your hand into as much of a cylinder as possible. Pull the fingertips towards each other, as close as possible, until they form sort of a point. If you're doing this right, your hand will look like a duck's bill. The goal here is to make your hand present the smallest possible profile to get it past her vaginal opening.

Gently move your hand forward and attempt to slide it into the her vagina. Apply copious amounts of lube and additional sexual stimulation as necessary. As the widest part of your hand reaches the vaginal opening, things should start to get tight; apply more lube if necessary. I've found that once you get to that point, gently rotating your hand back and forth is an excellent way to gain purchase and move forward. Don't be afraid to withdraw and begin penetration again; this is a good way to help her vagina become accustomed to stretching and expanding.

Many people report that it's helpful to coordinate your hand movements with her breathing: withdraw your fingers as she inhales, and insert as she exhales. As you progress, it can also be beneficial for her to bear down with her vaginal muscles as she exhales; this helps her vagina open up and slide onto your hand.

Do not exert more than light forward pressure. Do not try and force your hand inside. If the hand is not making forward progress, force is not going to make it go in, it's only going to hurt your partner.

Eventually, the widest part of your hand will make it past the vaginal opening, and suddenly, the resistance will vanish, your hand will slide forward completely into her vagina, and the vaginal opening will settle around the your wrist. As your hand slides in, it should naturally curl into something approximating a fist. It doesn't matter if your thumb is inside or outside the fist; I suggest the former. (This isn't fighting, nobody is going to break your thumb.)

Congratulations, you made it!

Okay, We're Here. Now What?

First off, don't do anything dramatic.. The woman will need some time to adjust to the new and thrilling experience of having someone's entire hand inside her. Immediately starting strong movements or introducing new sensations can sour the whole process. Go slow — you spent all this time getting here, you can spend a little more time now to ensure a pleasant experience. Let her guide and control the action; her body and pleasure are the subject of this exercise, and only she can tell you what feels good, what feels bad, what's too intense, and what she wants to happen.

An important thing to remember is that with this much penetration, a little motion creates a lot of sensation. Your should not make dramatic moves; it may be too intense or suddenly painful. Here's a list of suggestions — with all of them, remember to start slowly and gently:

  • Rotate your hand.
  • Rock your hand from side to side.
  • Open and clench your fist.
  • Move your hand in circles.
  • Penetrate deeper, then withdraw back to your starting position.
  • Stroke the walls of her vagina with your fingertips.

As you experiment with techniques and she gets used to the new sensations, you can try making the motions slightly more pronounced and energetic. As always, go slowly and don't be afraid to back off if something turns out not to work. This is uncharted territory for you both, and you should be properly respectful.

As earlier, penetration is still not everything. Don't neglect the rest of her body while your hand is inside her; try oral sex or external application of a vibrator. (The washcloth comes in handy here to clean extra lube off of her clitoris. It also helps to use a lube that doesn't taste like ass.) If you can make the positioning work, there's a special frisson to kissing someone deeply while you've got your hand inside them.

Experiences of orgasm during fisting differ. Some women find they orgasm copiously, while others find the sensations of fisting so intense and directed that orgasm would be impossible or counterproductive. Don't be locked into the idea of the woman having an orgasm during fisting; from all indications, the sensations are dramatic enough as-is. If the woman does orgasm during fisting, the contractions of her vagina may be strong enough to try and push the fister's hand out. You should be aware of this so that your hand is not prematurely ejected, or you can take advantage of this when it comes time to remove your hand ("Riding the wave out").

As a final note, be careful of the cervix: many women find it very sensitive and painful, so you should take care not to blunder into it roughtly. Contrariwise, some women find they like rough stimulation on their cervix, but, as always, experiment, and start slow and gentle.

Reversing The Process

All good things must come to an end, and so with fisting as well. When it comes time to remove your hand, reverse the process that you used to get it in. Unfurl your fist into a duckbill shape and gently begin to withdraw, rotating back and forth as necessary. Don't forget that you can still add more lube; that can help just as much in this phase.

Depending on how tight the fit is, it's entirely possible to create an airtight seal between your hand and her vaginal opening, and this can make removing your hand difficult. In this situation, run a finger from your other hand between your fisting hand and her vaginal lips to gently break the seal.

So Much For The Afterglow

What now? Toss your gloves into the trash, and fall into each other's arms for a while, and revel in this fabulous experience that you have just shared. Get the glasses of water (remember those?); you've both just put in quite a workout, and you'll probably want them.

Take some time later to talk over this experience: what was good, what was bad, what was great, what you might want to try next time. (Should there be a next time?) Keep the lines of communication open afterwards as well; your interactions can only benefit.

For The Advanced Student

Once you feel you've mastered the basics, there are several variants you can try:

  • Try a different position. (See above under Assume The Position)
  • Add anal penetration with fingers or toys during the process. (If you're going to try this, be cautious and go slow! Having a fist inside a woman takes up room inside her pelvis, and that room has to come from somewhere. She may not enjoy as much anal penetration under these circumstances as she normally does.)
  • Add bondage to the mix: try tying down her wrists. (The legs should probably remain free to allow for optimal positioning.)
  • If you're feeling especially adventuresome, there is a variety of "sexual furniture" available, e.g. ob/gyn examining tables. Suspended slings are also especially popular for fisting.

Troubleshooting

So you've followed the above directions to the letter, and given it your best try, and you can't quite achieve liftoff? Here are some things to think about.

One: Do you have the basics covered? Did you use enough lube? Did you try different positions? (Again, see above under Assume The Position.)

Two: The elasticity of a woman's vagina can fluctuate based on her hormonal state. You may find that you have more success closer to or further away from her period. Be willing to put your plans on hold and try again in a day or two. As touchy-feely as this sounds, her emotional state can affect this as well; you may have better luck on a day when she's overall relaxed, happy, and content.

Three: This is the big one: as much as you may want not want to accept it, the fister's hand may simply be too big for the fistee. If, after multiple attempts and varying all of the above factors, you're still unable to get it in all the way, you will have to sit down and accept this as the reality of the situation. Don't take this too hard: this is definitely one area where it does not pay to be goal-oriented.

Even if you can't achieve full fisting, so what? You can still have lots of fun going as far as possible, and periodically trying for full fisting if you like. The key here is not to allow yourselves to become frustrated and disappointed because you can't do one specific thing, which is really quite small in the grand scheme of the sexual universe. Sex is supposed to be fun and enjoyable, and the simple fact that you're trying this means you have good communication and are willing to experiment and try new things with each other, and that's much more important.

A Note On BDSM And Fisting

Non-"kinky" couples may have heard about fisting as a "BSDM activity", and thus might be reluctant to try it — don't let this stop you! While fisting is probably more common among people who engage in BDSM play, there is no inherent power exchange in the activity itself. You can do it without having to choose any roles or associations you don't want.

Good luck, have fun!


Special commendation to elaine for copyediting and extensive suggestions and corrections, above and beyond the call of duty.

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