Do you want this man running your country?

(Caption of large, scarfaced man in pinstripe two-piece and fedora, holding a big bulging sack with a dollar sign imprint, and pointing a gun at the reader.)

Are you going to tell him that?

Sick of the lies? Tired of all those hypocritical political parties who promise to serve in your interests, but who are really only looking to line their pockets with your hard-earned money?

Cut through the crap! Vote for the Federal Goon Party!

The FGP is committed to corruption! Our platform is based on the simple principle that people already know they want to be ruled by relentless dictators, so there's no point obfuscating the agenda of a ruling class bent on taking at gunpoint everything you hold dear!

The FGP, as part of its platform, promises to:

1: Raise taxes. Tax is the ultimate protection racket.

2: Embezzle and embezzle some more.

3: Use government agencies to launder money.

4: Reinstate jus primae noctis.

5: Ensure that bureaucracy is so incompetent that there's nothing you can do about it, even if you wanted to!

6: Two words people: CASINOS GALORE!

Yes, kids, the FGP is clearly the choice for the future of our great nation! Cast your ballots for the first honest party ever to enter politics: The Federal Goon Party.