Hey kids! It's time for another exciting episode of Monster Truck Rally Announcer Guy Who Comes Over and Eats All Your Food! Yaaayyy!

DING DONG!

Mr. Family Man: "Hey guess who's here kids! It's Monster Truck Rally Announcer Guy Who Comes Over and Eats All Your Food!"

Kids: "Yaaaaayyyyy!!"

Monster Truck Guy: Hello I am MONSTER TRUCK RALLY ANNOUNCER GUY WHO COMES OVER AND EATS ALL YOUR FOOOOOOOOD!

Kids: "Yaaayyyy!"

Monster Truck Guy: I am HUNGRY HUNGRY HUNGRY!!

Mrs. Housewife: "OK kids, let Monster Truck Rally Announcer Guy Who Comes Over and Eats All Your Food by so he can go eat all of our food!"

Kids: "Yaaaayyyyy!!"

Monster Truck Guy: Kids tickets ARE JUST TEN BUCKS!!

Mr. Housewife: "Hey kids, did you hear that?!"

Kids: "Yaaaayyyyy!!"

Monster Truck Guy: And now... it's time to EAT EAT EAT!!
Err.. as soon as I STEP OVER THIS HOMELESS GUY!!

MUNCH! MUNCH! SLLLLUUURRRPP! GAH GAARRRHHHLL UMPH MUNCH CRUNCH! MUNCH SLUUURRRPP!

Mr. Family Man: "Gee, kids, Monster Truck Rally Announcer Guy Who Comes Over and Eats All Your Food sure is hungry!"

Mrs. Housewife: He is eating all of our food! Now he's going to the pantry!

Kids: Yaaayyy!!

MUNCH! MUNCH! RRRIIPP! SHAKE-A SHAKE-A! MUNCH CRUNCH! MUNCH SHAKE-A-SHAKE-A MUNCH CRUNCH!!

Mr. Family Man: Wow, kids! He's eaten all the food in the house!

Kids: Wow!

Monster Truck Guy: It's AMAZING! SPECTACULAR! UN-BE-LEEEVABLE!!

Homeless Man: He ate my pants!

Kids: Yaaaayyyy!!

Mrs. Housewife: "OK kids, it's time for Monster Truck Rally Announcer Guy Who Comes Over and Eats All Your Food to go now! Say goodbye."

Kids: Awwwww!

Monster Truck Guy: It's all right kids! I'll be back on SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUNDAY!!

Kids: Yaaaayyyy!!!

SLAM!!

VRROOMM! VRRRUMMM! VREEEEMMMM! VROOOM! VRRRRUUMMMM!!!

Mr. Family Man: Hey kids. Do you hear that? That sounds like a Monster Truck outside giving us a lawn job!

Kids: Yaayyy!!

All right kids! Now's it's time to return you to your episode of Insurance Salesman Who Drinks Until Your Mom Looks Sexy, already in progress!

Weird market research phone call of the day: Lloyds TSB (well, someone acting on their behalf) just phoned me to discuss my opinions on ATMs. Apparently, they've noticed that in the last fourteen days I have used a different bank's cash point. How likely would I be to recommend it to someone else? Have I criticised Lloyds' cash machines to a friend in the last fortnight? What do I think about the range of services offered by the other bank's ATM? Was it tidy and easy to use? What one single thing would I improve about Lloyds' machines, if I could?

Do real actual people seriously recommend cash points to their friends? Do said people use any of an ATM's purported features beyond the give me some money button (and occasionally the statement button, I guess)? I don't have any particular cash point preference: if I need to withdraw some of my British pounds, I look for the nearest ATM and use it. It sounded like Lloyds have discovered that people use other banks in order to send them a message; a silent protest, if you will, against some unspecified failing of their own financial services provider. If only they could unearth why their customers are committing such gross acts of unfaithfulness, perhaps the difficult times ahead for them, and for all UK banks, could be averted.

(Happily, my opinions were to be kept in the strictest confidence, so I need not fear the backlash...)