we drank vodka mudslides and cans of strongbow and labatt fifty and each other in big gulps we ate eggs and bacon and a full bag of cookies and stale toast and tacos four each and i let myself eat everything without feeling like i had failed in something important and we watched away we go and hockey and funny internet videos and we got high and listened to king of limbs the whole way through in silence and we went to the bookstore and i said you know how sometimes people say things that just sound like poetry?

i bought jitterbug perfume and how to uncage a girl and you bought a new old man hat that matches the creases in your eyes when you smile really big but not your libra heart or your educated hands and you asked me to give you a back rub and as i pushed against your shoulders in front of your humongous tv i started to cry and remembered over italian when you said jokingly you needed me to be okay. i got snot and salt water on your white t-shirt as you held me so quiet and you put your sweater in my red gym bag and drove me home and you said which way should i take? and i said whichever takes the longest.

when i got inside and you left back for your apartment and your city and your girlfriend and your dog that tried to bite me for petting it and your job that you are in love with, i got so sick that i shook that my chest burned that my throat swelled up that everything everything hurt or was too hot or too cold and i didn't want to eat at all.