If you're one of the vast multitudes of Americans that like the golden-brown skin and petite frames common to southeast Asian women, and think it's no coincidence that the words blepharoplasty (surgery to make the eyes appear more Western) and blasphemy look so similar, you might have a slight problem combining your love of these exotic girls with your American obsession with huge breasts. Stereotypically, a woman from this area just isn't going to have anything over a natural B cup.

Enter Farang Ding Dong, self-proclaimed Home of the Asian H-Cups. This web site has dozens of petite Thai girls with boobs big enough to make Chelsea Charms jealous. The creators of the site, two men from Germany going by the names "Dr. Bust" and "JS", frequently take trips down to Thailand to snap pictures and take short movies of these lovely young things whose breasts typically make up about half their body weight.

The first thing that will strike you about the site's previews is that 99% of the girls aren't showing any cleavage. Well according to the site, they're good girls, shy, and well-behaved, not professional models, and they have trouble convincing them to disrobe. No trouble getting them to wear 5 inch platform heels and thongs, massage their bountiful bosoms on camera, and take come shots to the face, but whoa, no cleavage please! Instead, the overwhelming majority of pictures in the preview area show girls with unbelievably enormous breasts stretching equally unbelievably elastic shirts and dresses that manage to cover them from belly to neck.

The story of how these girls got so huge has changed a few times since the site first opened. The claims have ranged from natural endowments to multiple breast enlargement surgeries to semi-magical herbs mixed in secret by wizened old crones deep in the less civilized areas of Thailand (playing on the "mysterious orient" stereotype). The site sometimes maintained the girls had this done by choice, sometimes imposed on them by parents, and sometimes by accident of nature. Either way, they find themselves outcast by the bulk of Thailand's population, teased and rejected by their more conservative neighbors for their ludicrous proportions. Imagine their surprise when these two Germans stumbled across them one day and found them attractive — unthinkable, they thought, they must be crazy.

And that's how the site got its name. Farang Ding Dong is supposed to mean "The Crazy Stranger", with "Farang" meaning foreigner and "ding dong" being a common euphemism for insanity. Although their breasts are obviously prosthetics stuffed under extremely stretchy shirts, the site goes to great lengths to uphold the fantasy that they're real. And they do an excellent job of it, I must say. When they first started out, the artificial hooters were little more than balloons. But over the years they've improved the prosthetics to the point where they sag, bounce, squash, and move very realistically. They've recently even added enormous nipples to tent out the shirt's fabric and started including girls without bras, whose breasts hang down past the waist (underneath full-length dresses of course).

In the videos, you'll never see the skin where the breasts join the chest, although there are videos of the girls with their shirts rolled up over their bras and other angles designed to titillate without giving away the trick. Still pictures are easier to manipulate, so there are occasional photographs showing cleavage and even topless models, probably done with a combination of prosthetics with makeup and Adobe Photoshop to hide the seams.

As for the girls themselves, they're all tiny, very young-looking Asians, somewhere between 4'9" and 5'4" (140–160 cm) and, not counting titflesh, can't weigh more than 100 pounds (45 kg). They go by three-letter names like Lek, Nom, and Pui, and they all seem to think what they're doing is extremely silly. Rarely will one of these girls adopt the traditional sultry gaze into the camera, but rather go into it smiling and laughing, playing with her prosthetic boobs and hamming it up for the audience.

Now I can't understand it, but there are a few people out there who have a concept they call "her breasts are too big." This string of words does not make any sense to me, but for those who have limits Farang Ding Dong girls come in a variety of sizes, ranging from huge to "how does she stand up?". Anyone who thinks a D cup on a 5 foot, 90 pound girl is too big doesn't really belong here. The largest girl currently in the preview area, "Nee", is listed as having a bust measuring 120 centimeters around (that's four feet on a five foot tall girl).

Pictures of Farang Ding Dong girls have made their way onto various web forums and shock sites over time, and it's always amusing to see how many people dismiss the pictures as "obviously photoshopped", as they will with most fantastic images. Overplaying the role of a cynical hoax expert, they cite various image manipulation tricks that actually weren't used, and talk about tell-tale signs such as pixelazation that aren't there, or are simply the result of JPEG compression. While the breasts aren't real, the image wasn't manipulated either. It's important in these cases to remember that although digital image manipulation is usually the easiest way to create an illusion, it's not always the one that's been used.

The site's address is http://www.farangdingdong.com. It has an extensive preview area with low to medium quality still pictures and a few small animated GIFs, along with the background story of the girls and their assets. Subscriptions are $14.95 per 30 days, by major credit card or direct bill to your checking account, handled through CCBill.

For PornQuest 2006

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