TAKE ONE:

1. What is your name?

What the fuck is this shit? Who are you? And what are you doing on my porch?

I'm conducting ten-year anniversary interviews for the website everything2.com. I thought you knew about this?

I thought that Jet-Poop knob jockey was doing those interviews?

That's me. Don't you recognize the dulcet tone of my radio voice?

Oh. OK. I guess. Jesus. You're twice the douche I always pictured. Seriously. You're not staying for dinner are you? OK. Then go ahead with your stupid fucking interview. God, you are more annoying in person than I could have imagined. Let me get you a sturdier chair.

1. What is your name?

You know my name. Say my name. Say my motherfucking name. Now eat a pony.

2. What is your quest?

You know my quest. Say my quest. Say my motherfucking quest. Now eat a Chrysler.

3. What is your favorite color?

The color of that gray Chrysler. No, not that one. The one with the spinning wheels. Eat that one.

4. How did you discover Everything, and how did you become a noder?

You called me trying to solicit donations for the Hunchbacked Kids with Lupus. I told you to fuck off and then you said you thought I was witty. I accused you of being the guy who deballed my dog Skippy with an ice cream scoop when I was eight years old. You told me you thought I'd like some obscure website.

5. What do you see as the most significant changes that have happened to Everything over the past decade?

They fired your dumb ass. That was more than significant. That was historical. And hysterical. Whenever I feel all depressional and think bad thoughts I just remember the day you got your dumbass fired and it makes me not deball a dog.

6. What are your favorite writeups -- both your own and from other noders?

I only read my own shit. That place is full of folks I'd give an F- to in writing if I had a red pen instead of a "down" button.

7. What are your favorite and least favorite memories from E2's history?

Ah, now we get to the part of this mess where I can tell you what really happened and why. I've been waiting on this for years. Except I don't feel like it.

8. What keeps you coming back?

Waiting to see you choke on a pony and die.

9. What do you hope for E2's future?

Pony. Choke. Death.

10. What does E2 mean to you?

Philosophy, eh?

11. Is E2 a writing site, a community site, an online encyclopedia, or something else? What should it be?

It should be the last thing you see while you are turning blue with pain and dying.

12. Who are your favorite noders? Which ones do you miss the most?

I'll miss you the least when you quit asking me these fucking questions.

13. Who would play you in the Everything2 movie?

This is not a game.

14. Any questions that I didn't ask that I should've?

Simulacron3 says your poll sucks.




TAKE TWO:

1. What is your name?

dannye. I started out with some other old nickname but Ryan was kind enough to let me change it after a few days, when I figured out I might actually hang around. It's the first internet site I ever got "involved" with and it remains the only participatory site that I visit regularly. I could have told you Facebook was going to be a personal problem a long time ago.

2. What is your quest?

My quest has always been to help make this place the best it can be. There is so much potential here. At one time, it looked as if the site might actually reach it. I'm not so sure nowadays, but I hold out hope. I was a dedicated English teacher in a previous life, so having a quest such as this seemed like a nice fit for me.

4. How did you discover Everything, and how did you become a noder?

When I first started looking around on the internet, some news article on a site I regularly visited (can't remember now; Excite maybe?) mentioned everything.com as a place where some coders were working with incestuous linking to form a sort of daisy chain of information. It sounded neat so I looked at it. That was the beginning of years of involvement. That was in November of 1999. I'm not sure why my "log in" date says differently. But I was definitely here when it was E1.

5. What do you see as the most significant changes that have happened to Everything over the past decade?

Ryan quit getting paid and got married and quit being the boss. I will always think of this as his creation, even though he didn't write the code. I've been in management for a lot of years and seen lots of managers in my day, and he was as good as it gets.

6. What are your favorite writeups?

ToasterLeavings has made me laugh more than anyone else I've ever read. JessicaPierce really opened up my eyes to using kids and dreams for short pieces. As so many others have said, this sort of question is dangerous territory because you have to leave out so many folks whose work you adore. Also, so much good stuff has been lost (such as Paraclete's) due to humans being less than optimal thinkers. And as time went on, we were fortunate enough to attract folks like riverrun and iceowl. Ashley Pomeroy grew into a "must read" writer. Halspal's work meant a lot to me. But I'd say that TL and JP were the two I read early on where the lightbulb went off and I realized that there was no limit to what E2 could become.

7. What are your favorite and least favorite memories from E2's history?

Favorite? So many things. Cruel things that the new "pushin' niceness" crowd would eschew. Wharfinger fucking with the paradigm because he could. Ryan calmly lighting another joint and diffusing situations that would have had some current admins chewing their nails off to the quick. Wonderful messages about things I'd written from folks I admired immensely. Chatterbox sessions that used to keep me up late into the night because of the quality of the banter. Least favorite? The slow decline over the past few years and not knowing how to fix it.

8. What keeps you coming back?

I don't give up easily on stuff in which I've invested a lot of emotional and physical energy.

9. What do you hope for E2's future?

A genuine revival with around 250 quality users logged in day and night. This would mean better quality control than we currently have and I'm not sure anyone has the stomach for it these days. This would mean having some more adults in charge and fewer college kids. And there you start stepping on toes of frequent users, and I guess you can see the problem.

10. What does E2 mean to you?

Lord Brawl and I talked about this in Everything: In the Beginning. It was meant to be humorous, but I think he and I both thought E2 should and could be the place where mankind stores up all its best stuff, just in case.

11. Is E2 a writing site, a community site, an online encyclopedia, or something else? What should it be?

E2 should be whatever it turns out to be when it's finished. I like the idea of someone like Clampe sitting there with a cigar in his mouth, thick waves of smoke filling up his office as he watches to see what happens and takes notes.

12. Who are your favorite noders? Which ones do you miss the most?

I miss uberfetus a lot. He was one of the first college kids I met on E2 who was already an adult. He was sort of a forerunner of a user such as Noung. Unfortunately, he was dMan's roommate at Cornell. That put him in an awkward spot when the shit hit the fan on that one. Sensei worked like a dervish to fix that situation. I miss Sensei a lot, too. I miss knifegirl and moJoe and wharfinger and Lord Brawl and so many folks that it almost makes me misty to name them. Sometimes I feel as if I should leave, too, just to be among the folks I miss so much. But see question 8.

13. Who would play you in the Everything2 movie?

Clint Eastwood.

14. Any questions that I didn't ask that I should've?

Simulacron3 says your poll sucks.

Everything2 Decaversary Interviews

If you have questions or comments, please contact dannye or Jet-Poop.

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