Beginnings

First there were the node gods, and they were powerful but without form. They contained and created the pure thought-matter of the ur-node.

The ur-node split into two writeups. There were words. They spun on their axis, one pulling, the other pushing. Out of their motion rose form, and from their warmth rose nate. There was code. A spark fell from an unknown point and landed on nonexistant earth-place of mere words, smouldering and gaining thought. dem bones arose. There was passion. And other things.

The gods came together and said,

hey, some is good, but more is better!

They hunted and slayed the old god, whose beginning was before time. They took the body of Webster 1913 and divided it, and turned it into nodes, and scattered it as seed. Thus they seeded the database. And chaos was sown as well.

There was Everything. And it was good. Noders came and stirred bits of their essence into the soop. Indeed, in Everything, there were few coders, but many cooks: and thus it is to this day. Some were to stay, and their nodes were legion, while some passed through, and merely peppered the stew with dust. Everything assimilated it all.

Yet the noders spoke to nate, who was really, I assure you, quite busy, and said, oh nate, you are so powerful and stuff, and can do many things, yet we cannot even format our nodes! we are so small and you are so great! help us! And nate, witnessing the unrest, trimmed his fingernails (for they were getting quite long), and these fingernails became the Golden Gods of Hypertext. And nate said, Learn how to format! And they did.

The Legend of thefez

Sheep go to Heaven
Goats go to Hell
Sheep go to Heaven
Goats go to Hell
--from Sheep go to Heaven by Cake

Born out of an unholy union between dem bones, jessicapierce, two goats, and a monkey, thefez was often ridiculed by the elder gods for his unusual appearance; he had the torso of a man, the bald pate of his father and the legs and horns of a goat. Unfortunately, his feckless nature did nothing to improve his standing amongst the gods: If he wasn't out looking for the mythical apefist and covorting with nymphs, you can bet he was babbling about the apefist and annoying everyone with stories about him cavorting with nymphs. Sometimes though, the elder gods would find him alone, lying in the tall grass, playing the flute and repeating the phrase "I like to be happy" over and over again. Needless to say, this only increased their ire.

Before long thefez grew tired of the incessant taunts and accusations of the elders and left for the sanctity and sanctuary of the chatterbox. There the full measure of his godliness finally became known. He spoke loudly and nonsensically and would strike fear and confusion into the hearts and minds of the most hardened noder. With every new feature he grew stronger. For every new noder that came to worship at the alter of bones, there was another that would flock to the cult of thefez; yet another voice to spread his syncopated gospel, one nodeshell at a time. Eventually the elder gods grew wary of this activity and tried to put him down. They said he wasn't biodegradable. They said he was responsible for global warming. The fools! He took their words and twisted them, fashioning his own fictions, until it even became known that he was responsible for that nameless fear which occasionally grips new noders when the chatterbox becomes silent. Today he watches and waits. One day he will be able to sit amongst the gods again. And as he waits, he listens to his minions shout nonesense into the chatterbox like prayers...

...and all is quiet...

...but for how long?

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