Every man's fantasy is to have sex with two women at once. Strangely, this is also every woman's, because then she'd have someone to talk to once he's done. - anon

Written outside the Blind Poet, Edinburgh.

I thought the line was, "Every woman's fantasy is having two men at once, but most men don't realize that in the fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning."

This may be true for normally socialized women who have had their inner rampaging wenchbeast extinguished by too much contact with slope-headed, testosterone-poisoned fratboys who couldn't find a clitoris if it were two inches across, glowed bright green, and played John Philip Sousa marches when it felt perky. Such women are easily brainwashed into Martha Stewart syndrome, in which normal, healthy urges to fling cute geek guys onto the nearest soft horizontal surface and pounce on them, snarling and biting, are sublimated into an unhealthy fascination with cleanliness and interior decorating.

I, for one, can think of much better things to do with two men at once, and have done most of them. And before you start drooling about double penetration, let me tell you, that's a logistical nightmare that should not be attempted in a gravity well--though get me into free fall with two cute geek guys and some bungee cords and it's another story. No, I am talking about the shiny happy situation of having two mouths and four hands available to turn one's neural tissue into radioactive jello. Three men at once would be really optimal, but the difficulty of finding people for group sex who all get along and whose emotional baggage does not heterodyne makes this a statistically farfetched scenario. Damn it.

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