"Are you new here?" I ask her.

"Yes." She looks up at me and smiles. We are amid the bustling guidance offices in the beginning of our 11th grade year in high school.

"A junior?" I am curious; she has long dark hair, and piercing eyes with devilish eyebrows... she is very pretty; I smile back at her as she nods.

"You're going to love it here," I say as I'm beckoned into the office. "I'll see you later."

I never see her again that day. I was on Adderall, a drug given to those diagnosed with ADD. It is very similar to Ritalin - speed. The drug produces a euphoria for as much as 12 hours after taking the pills. I was not prescribed this drug and after an offer from a friend, I took thrice the recommended dosage.

I do not, cannot, normally approach pretty girls.

It is later that I look back on the run-in with more depth. I take it too far. That girl personifies my wishes and dreams - someone I could care about, who would care about me in the same way. Those pills gave me the best day of my life - no exaggeration - and I'd never been so happy. I could walk up to a stranger and get to know them, I could talk to girls candidly, basking in their shining eyes. The drug let me escape from my entrapment of self-consciousness, my dweebery.

It makes me want to scream. Am I abnormal? Were those feelings, those thoughts going through my head, what "normal" people feel? Is that why they can seem to act so natural around girls and I can't?

I don't know, and I cannot know. I am a computer dork, and that is what I've always been: the geek. Not always negative, but definitely not always positive. Geeks are cursed because despite our intellectual nature, we still want to fall in love. We want to be happy.

Escapism for geeks: yet another reason why drugs will not go away.

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