Eiken.

Oh, god, Eiken. What is there to say about this atrocity of Japanese animation and manga?

Well, quite a bit, actually. Eiken started life as a manga. Not just any sort of manga, but a harem manga. And not just any sort of harem manga, but a harem manga about a high-school club. A club populated entirely by girls with massive mammaries. Titanic tits. Behemoth breasts. SuperPak sweater puppies.

You get the picture. For instance, one character - who is in elementary school (but is apparently several thousand years old or some lolicon workaround like that) has 111 cm breasts. That comes to roughly 44 inches under the imperial system.

44 inch breasts. I swear, in the manga it looks like she's smuggling basketballs in her shirt. And from the way they bounce in the anime... they probably are. In fact, the best-animated parts of the anime are... well, the breasts. Gratuituous... but not, perhaps, as gratuitous as the two-episode mini-arc in which the Eiken Club (the aforementioned collection of mega-chested schoolgirls) go through a competition which involves going down a yogurt slide, paddling a float ring across a pool full of eels, and finally, going down a chocolate waterslide in a banana boat.

I shit you not.

A YOGURT SLIDE, A POOL FULL OF EELS, AND A CHOCOLATE WATERSLIDE.

To add to the evident symbolism, the yogurt and chocolate end up coating the girls by the end of each voyage, a voyage during which the protagonist - whose name I can't quite remember; I tried not to remember too much of what I saw - the protagonist was 'accidentally' groping the girls of his team, in the way that a terminally clumsy harem manga protagonist will. (In the anime, the teacher - the only one with body proportions resembling normal, and ironically the only one without a proper name; she's referred to only as Teacher - is forever showing up naked and sticky thanks to some clumsiness on the protagonist's part. I think his name is Densuke, but I really don't care enough to go through the hell of watching it again.)

Another interesting sidenote; several issues into the manga, the artist noted that he'd had to be careful about drawing the girls; their breasts had started growing bigger, albeit unintentionally. The manga went on for 18 issues, which says something about the Japanese... but I digress.

I feel I've said enough to enlighten you as to the nature of Eiken. If you feel the need to watch / read this horror, the first few issues of the manga and the first few episodes of the anime are licenced in America, and should be available at your local anime shop. Expect the fellow behind the counter to either snicker, sigh, sob, or shrug as you pass your purchase to him; it has a rather... er, distinctive cover.

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