Dutch Coffee much as the name suggests hails back to the great coffee barons of The Garden State
. Hidden deep within the dark forbidding forests of Long Branch, New Jersey
sits something of a local legend.
"Woo, the Jersey Devil! I love that old legend but the poor Leeds woman. Still it kinda seems like a bad X-File what with the demons and all," an old man sitting in the corner continues to talk on about the time he witnessed a demonic possession.
The Inkwell is a coffee shop made famous for its brilliant choice of location in hindsight. Located just down the road from four bars, two nightclubs
, and an overpriced third-rate university
filled with the drooling ignorant offspring of upper middle-class families, the Inkwell stands at something of a cultural black hole
"Wasn't you talking about coffee? I don like that Colombian stuff it be Tanzanian or Sumatran for me but that stuff gives me the jitters! Reminds me of the time we tried to stay awake…" he continues on as he rocks back and forth while mumbling something about "the great war."
Theories have been put forth that Dutch Coffee was carefully designed by Irish immigrants
to be at once a meal and a revitalizing drink for the inebriated
. The real recipe for Dutch Coffee is a much-guarded secret and many a careless soul lost their lives trying to reverse engineer
the process used to create the drink. The recipe related here comes from the nearly unknown The Internet Café
in Red Bank, New Jersey
whose owner somehow discovered the secret of the Dutch Coffee.
"…and well he just couldn't hold the damn thing straight anymore 'cause of all the coffee he done drank. Damn near took out the whole DACS panel too…" not at all affected by the inattention being displaying the man continues recounting his tale.
A Dutch Coffee begins life as one takes milk and steams
it together with a bit of butter
. This step is actually the most important because if one inadequately steams
, the butter will separate from the milk and result in a regular coffee with a layer of melted butter on top. Pour the steamed milk into a glass with chocolate syrup
. Next, add a splash of pure vanilla extract
and a shot of espresso
. Finally insert a stick of cinnamon
and optionally add some real whipped cream
"…but that tank was getting mighty close by now and I says to Jay, 'Hey forget about the damn MUXs just grab the fibre and lets get outta here before it is too late!' He wouldn't hear none of it! 'We needs the cross-connects and the MUXs or this whole plan is for the birds,' he says. So we just sat in that old cage as quiet as a can be." The old man's eyes swell with pride as he prepares himself for the finale.
Finally, for the list and number obsessed among us:
1 cup of milk
1 pat of butter
1 shot of espresso
2 tablespoons of chocolate syrup
1/8 teaspoon of vanilla extract
Lots of whipped cream
"Damn near took us two weeks of fiddling with those things to get it to work. Never a manual when you need one! That was it just me and Jay; the first two ever. After only a few short months of work we got the fibre to ten others in the area." The old man laughs as he tells what is in his opinion the best part of the story, "And we even called us the Twelve Apostles of the New Internet."
The entire room which moments ago had been a loud cacophony
of personal conversations is now completely silent. Finally, the man giving out the recipe speaks up, his shaky voice betraying the façade
of confidence he attempts to maintain. "You mean to tell me, sir that you and your friend braved radiation, a nuclear winter, and risked death at the hands of rebels or worse the remains of the military to procure the parts necessary for effective communication between small groups of people? The same small groups who later used the New Internet as a meeting place for the New Continental Congress and put an end to the global thermonuclear war that had been raging for over two years?
The old man thinks about this for a moment before finally revealing, "Well I guess so but all we really wanted was something to do with our computers."
I think I need to buy this old man a Dutch Coffee.