Cahla stumbled around the Djibouti wilds in the dead of night. Her silk shoes were tattered from walking so far and so long. She could feel every rock she stumbled on through the soft animal skin soles. Cahla kept walking though, she had to keep walking. She had come so far to find Reginald, she couldn’t stop now, but she was so tired. Her hair had fallen out of its pins a long time ago and it was blowing around her damp face. She would turn her head against the wind to blow it out of the way, but even that was almost too hard. She was very tired. She came to a clearing where the grass grew high and soft. The trees parted just above her, the moonlight welcoming and inviting her to lay in it’s beautiful arms. She wanted to lay down and sleep so much, every bone in her body longed for it, but she knew she must reach Reginald.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Why can’t I just lay down and sleep? I mean really, I don’t know where you’re trying to go with this buddy, but I’ve been wandering around the wilderness ever since that stupid dance, looking for some prissy little mama’s boy named Reginald? I think I deserve a break.
Umm... I’ve never had a story talk back to me before. This is a little bit weird.
Yeah well, someone’s got to do it. I don’t know what you’ve put other heroines through, but this one’s pretty damn sure that you don’t know the first thing about women.
Oh, well, what would you suggest? And, are princesses allowed to curse?
Damn right we are! First of all, we do not go wandering through the wilderness of Africa looking for random people who attend our balls.
But he’s your true love.
Like hell he is! He’s a mama’s boy! Have you seen him? The way he dresses, I don’t know that he’s particularly attracted to princesses, if you know what I mean. He’s whiney, he uses ridiculous language like “hither” and “thither” and “wilt thout love me oh fairest of the fair”. I mean really, I’d swoon at that just to be able to not have to listen to it all. And another thing- have you actually seen him slay a beast? I really don’t think he could do it. I mean when we were dancing earlier, I accidentally stepped on his toe, and I thought he was going to cry. Wuss.
I just don’t understand. He’s supposed to be your ideal prince. He’s supposed to be so wonderful that you would be out here looking for him to rescue him from the evil witch doctor.
Yeah, that’s another thing. Why would I come myself? Why not send my army or something? Better yet, why not send his army. There’s nothing I could do. And a witch doctor? How random is that!? I mean, didn’t this thing start off in France?
Well, your love is supposed to be able to conquer all things.
Um... yeah, that’s the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard of in my life. First of all, if I did love him, there’s nothing my love could do for him. Well, I guess if I was in love with an uzi, which I’m not, just in case you were getting ideas. But love would do jack squat for him if he really is in the clutches of an evil witch doctor. I mean, look at me! I’m a waif!
I thought all princesses are supposed to be skinny and blonde and helpless.
There ya go! If I’m so helpless, why am I out here in the wilderness by myself?
Gosh, I guess you’re right. I really am a horrible writer. I’m so sorry. I mean, I’ve just totally ruined your life. Is there anything that I haven’t messed up?
Well, this moonlight’s not too bad. I think I will take a nap though, if it’s all right with you.
Eh, he’ll be ok. Maybe this will build him some character. Hey, could you write a nice big bed into this scene? And maybe a steak. Yeah, a steak would be real good...