What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians?
A drummer.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.

How do you know when a drummer is knocking at your door?
The knock always slows down.

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. "Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
B. Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
C. Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
D. Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

ACK! ACK! ACK! Back to the musical jokes metanode?

I went to a whole drummers' convention recently. So many drummers, so little time.

Q: What did the the drummer get on his IQ paper?
A: Saliva.

Q: How can you tell if the is stage is level?
A The drool comes from both sides of the drummer's mouth

amd from nebuchadnezzar:

Q: What do you call a drummer with original ideas?
A: Unemployed.


bol: And a bloke who hangs arround with drummers is a bassist.

(yes, I do play bass

Why are Viola jokes so short?
So drummers can remember them.

What's the difference between a savings bond and a drummer?
Someday the bond will mature and make some money.

Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.

Lets not forget:

How can you tell when there is a drummer at your door?
The knocking speeds up, and he doesn't know when to come in

What do you call a drummer that's been dumped by his girlfriend?
Homeless

How do you confuse a drummer?
Put sheet music in front of him
A drummer dies and goes to heaven. While he's waiting at the gates, he hears some incredible drumming coming from inside, with fast, precise double bass and lots of odd time signatures. So he says to St. Peter, "hey, is that Mike Portnoy?"

Peter replies, "no, that's God, he's only pretending to be Mike Portnoy."

(I'm a drummer...what were you expecting?)

Did you hear the one about the bass player who locked his keys in the car?
He had to break a window to get the drummer out.
Then there are the drummer jokes that are also lightbulb jokes
Q How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1 None, they have a machine for that now
A2 Only one, but three roadies - one to set up the ladder, one to help him up the ladder and one to turn his hand for him
A3 Four. One to put the bulb in and three to talk about how much better John Bonham would have done it...

Dave Grohl's Top 10 Drummer Jokes

1. What do Ginger Baker and canteen coffee have in common?
They both suck without Cream.

2. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, so long as the roadie gets the ladder, sets it up and puts the bulb in the socket for him.

3. What is the difference between a chiropodist and Ginger Baker?
A chiropodist bucks up your feet!

4. How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five: One to screw the bulb in, and four to talk about how much better Neil Peart would have done it.

5. How can you tell a drummer's at the door?
The knocking speeds up.

6. How can you tell when a drummer's at the door?
He doesn't know when to come in!

7. How can you tell when the drum riser is level?
Drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.

8. What do you call a drummer that breaks up with his girlfriend?
Homeless.

9. How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They have a machine to do that now.

10. What's the last thing a drummer says in a band?
"Hey guys, why don't we try one of my songs?"

I've had this in my E-mail for quite some time, but I've also found it at http://members.iinet.net.au/~simnoris/jokes.htm.

And they keep on coming......

At the Orchestra one day, a tuba player wanted to torture the drummer behind him, so he hid one of the drummer's sticks.
After looking around for a few minutes, with a frantic, wide-eyed expression, the drummer fell to his knees, flung his arms wide, and screamed to heaven:
"Finally! The miracle, after all these years! I'm a Conductor!"

How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.

Why do guitarists put drumsticks on the dashboard of their car?
So they can park in the handicapped spot.

How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming, but you can't do anything about it.

Did you hear about the drummer who graduated from University?
Me neither

How can you tell a drummer is walking behind you?
You can hear his knuckles dragging on the ground.

Why do drummers have lots of kids?
They're terrible at the rhythm method.

Two drummers walk into a bar...
which is funny because you would have figured the second one would have seen the first bloke do it.

And my favourite (probably due to the fact it's more derogatory to bassists than drummers)

A man goes to an exotic tropical island for a holiday. As the boat nears the island, he notices the constant sound of drumming coming from the shore. As he gets off the boat, he asks the first native he sees how long the drumming will go on. The native looks about nervously and says "very bad when the drumming stops."
At the end of the day, the drumming is still going and is starting to get on his nerves. So, he asks another native when the drumming will stop. The native looks as if he's just been reminded of something very unpleasant. "Very bad when the drumming stops," he says, and hurries off.
After a couple of days with little sleep, our traveller is finally fed up, grabs the nearest native, slams him up against a tree, and shouts "What happens when the drumming stops?!!"
"Bass solo."

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