Dream Log: November 17, 2000

I keep having this DJ dream. I'm in London, I'm a DJ, and people come from all over to hear me. I don't get it.

I've never previously entertained ambitions of spinning. The music is all really cool and I'm fairly sure that in the dream not only am I mixing it down live on the wheels of steel, but I know the music I'm using is stuff I wrote.

This isn't inconceivable, because that's what I do: I'm a composer. However, the things I write are usually orchestral or symphonic in nature, almost never being comprised of what I would call "Tasty Beatz."

This DJ dream is recurring, and in it it's just me spinning up dance music for the people. They dig it. This seems to go on for about half an hour, and then the dream ends.

I still can't figure it out.

I'm just leaving a mall, getting ready to go out to my car. A girl who I don't know just runs into me and we're both like, "Bitch." I told her that maybe if she wasn't so fat she wouldn't run into people and if she weren't so ugly she wouldn't get so pissed off about comments like this one. (Wow, I'm even more immature in my dreams than real life!) She understandably gets pissed and wants to start shit but I just walk off and get into my car. Kim is in the car now. The car is my high school friend's 1973 green Chevy Impala. So I'm driving along on a highway in the country (apparently that mall was in the middle of BFE), telling Kim about the bitch who almost knocked me over, when I see someone driving RIGHT behind us! Oh shit, it's that girl.

So I do the logical thing and slip into the backseat so I can talk to the girl who's now climbing on the trunk of the impala. The car is fine without a driver apparently. Thank God for cruise control. I don't know how the steering wheel managed, but we didn't wreck. So I talk to the girl, being all like, "Get over it, just leave us alone," etc...and she agrees. Yay, happiness. So I slip back into the driver's seat and start driving again when I feel a surge of acceleration. The bitch girl laughs maniacally. Somehow she gained control of the car. I still have the steering wheel and we take a slight curve and almost go off the road.

"You're going to get us killed!" I shout to the girl.

"That's the idea!" was her reply.

The speedometer is now over 100 and we're starting to run into some congestion on the road.

"Look at the sun!" Kim shouted.

Why should I look at the sun, I'm about to get our asses killed?

It's slightly blocked by a sign but I can see flashes of the corona. The sky is really blue.

There are some people on the road now. "You're going to get these people killed!" I shout to the bitch girl, and she finally relents and the accelerator is mine again. Her car disappears.

The sign is not blocking the sun anymore. It's a brilliant yellow with a huge corona in this aquamarine sky. These are the normal colors, yes, but it was just so incredibly vibrant. It's one of the most beautiful things I've seen in my life.

I go to this large department store/restaurant, and I go and watch this salesman rip off someone. Then I go and pay the bill from the restaurant w/ my girlfriend, Amanda.

I walk outside, I'm with the wrong Amanda. Instead of my girlfriend, I'm with this other woman I've been thinking about in the biblical sense named Amanda, and I'm not happy about those thoughts (out of the dream). I pick her up and carry her around, she is so light. But then we stumble across my girlfriends house, which looks dilapidated.

I'm alone now, the other Amanda has left me, and so I walk up to the house and try and find my girlfriend. I find her, but I don't want to see her mother for some reason. I'm deathly afraid of the woman in the dream. Finally, she spots me, and I'm with my girlfriend again. Eventually, they talk me into seeing what they've done with the place, and I go downstairs into the basement, which, as I'm sitting here awake, looks more like something out of Blair Witch Project than her actual basement. Then I walk past some rats which have been staked into the ground. This is where I decide that it's probably a good idea to get the fuck out of here.

As I turn and bolt for the door, I can hear my future in-laws beckoning for my demise. I turn around the wrong corridor, of course(!), and stumble into a room with sawblades in the walls. For some reason, this sets off something in my head that says this is a dream.

This is where I wake up, and notice that I've got blood on my hands. Literally. Dried blood. I'm not lying. I fall back asleep.

I end up getting talked into buying cell phones for these girls who I don't even know, and then they proceed to leave without even a thank you. We, me and my friend Rob, go out and try to track them down, we walk past wig shops, and then my alarm goes off and I want to hit the snooze button because I want to know what happens. But I get up, and now it's time for me to wash this blood off my hands.

I didn't sleep last night, but when I was in philosophy class today, I started having hallucinations. Does that count?

There I am, in the middle of nowhere. There's just, blank, white space all around me, and the girl sitting next to me from class. I tap her on the shoulder, and she turns around and just starts railing on me. She yells about how I should've stayed awake for class, how I shouldn't be bugging her, and how she's got to take this test before the Buddha rises up and decides that Nirvana isn't all it's cracked up to be and starts letting loose with the not-so-good intentions.

I push my chair back a little, and she starts talking about Full House, and accusing me of having Olsen twin fantasies and being named DJ and all, I was likely to have some disgusting things going on in my life.

I was about to reply, when Ben Crowe, my teacher, leaps onto my head and starts screaming about Plato's theory of forms and how much I should love tableness. And all I could do was sit there and take it, while trying to remember what the 5 aggregates of the human condition were.

Then I'd jolt up in my chair, look around, and get back to writing.

I've been awake 32 hours and counting...

I dream of looking for him. I think I eventually find him, but it didn't make much difference. I dream of lovers, and somehow this is monumental, but I don't know how. Four very important lovers but I can't picture who any of them are. And there is a reason for that. My best friend and I are searching.

I dream of pot. Lots and lots of pot, and driving. Scuba diving, too. But in my dream, pot is popcorn, and you heat up your mouth, then chew the popcorn and smoke breathes in and smoke breathes out.

I am dreaming of lovers and pot and pot and driving, all of this motion, in real space and in not.

Searching,

Waking.