Background : I was at a party
the previous night
. I was attempt
ing to be sane
at this party - I was just go
ing to rrrrrelax
, rather than do my standard
'must... be... witty... and... charming!
' act. The result
was outwardly the same
; I hardly spoke
to (usually caused by brain deadlock
, as I sweat
to come up with something funny to say
; that night, I just made myself accept that I had nothing to say
). I left
the party, drove to a Wal-Mart parking lot
, and bedded down
in my car
I had a tumor. Left frontal lobe, totally inoperable. Some sort of blood vessel ran right through the center of the growth. I was going around, crying, saying goodbye to friends, wondering why I had wasted so much time not talking.
I woke up with the sun glaring down at me. My head hurt like hell (on the left side, where a sinus felt like it nearly exploded on a flight the previous day). I went and hung out with some friends. I mostly stayed quiet - nothing to say, wasn't gonna force the issue.
I have no idea if I'm doing the right thing here. I feel like that if I follow the edict of the dream and spend time trying to talk, I'll fall into the same old stressed-out misery that I've been in. And if I don't do what the dream tells me, I'll be denying my fate, kinda like Oedipus (thanks for the reference there, ailie). Ahwell.