Dream Log: March 31, 2000

The last two mornings, I awoke, knowing that I had just come out of a dream. I was frustrated by the fact that the images of the dreams were gone, instantly, and was left only with the emotions which lingered.

These were dreams where you have to choose between fight or flight and whatever it was that I encountered was disturbing enough to make me emotionally charged, notch up the adrenaline, but not quite ugly enough to cause deep fear. My emotional confusion says "fight" not "flight", but my subconscious, having taking away all but these wisps of emotional memories, says "You can't handle the truth". I am left feeling like the last person on earth; enough evidence to know that others have been here, but no one left to ask "What happened here?"

I'm still looking for clues...

- / +

They had found my old school papers and were so disappointed. My maps were all colored in shades of green. I did them over to make everyone happy, thinking carefully about selecting a variety of colors. I could not name all the states. I tried to label them and just frustrated myself.

She was going to have the baby tonight. She was very poor and they didn't care much. While the women changed clothes and washed their hands they left her on the bed in the corner moaning. No one explained anything to her. I wanted to soothe her but I was not really there.

My fish had somehow learned to fly, and was flitting around my room like a bird. It had spawned clones which didn't fly so well, so I had to pick up the gasping little goldfish and throw them back in the bowl. My fish, though, seemed very capable at flight; he would do a lap around my room, take a dip in the fishbowl, then come out and do another lap. At the time, this seemed perfectly normal. Now, it seems like the weirdest damn dream I've had in a long time.

I was closed in a small dark space. Nothing changed for quite a while. Then something changed, but i can't remember what it was.