Last night, he-who-shall-not-be-named drunk dialed to tell me that he dreamed that I came to visit him and magically conceived his child. It was a girl. We married two months later and he was very very happy. Pregnancy turned me into a serenely glowing Buddha. He woke up. Of course, I had to tease him mercilessly and say, "You dream of marrying me! LITERALLY! Ahahahahaha!"

This afternoon, she-who-shall-not-be-named told me that she dreamed she went into the bathroom and began defecating a nifty assortment of small appliances and ballpoint pens. She thought How did they get inside of me?!? I did not eat them! She was terrified that they would tear up her insides. She wanted to go to the hospital but she was afraid to tell people that she could shit blenders and toasters. Her sister began pounding on the bathroom door. She did not know what to do. She woke up, quite relieved to not be full of common household items.

One (semi-Freudian) interpretation: He happily embraces traditional adult roles while she anxiously tries to eject the trappings of work and domesticity.
Another (Marxist-materialist) interpretation: He eagerly anticipates taking part in "production" while she fears it.

Here's what I dreamed last night: I was at a zoo talking about how much I miss California. Rainbow colored hamsters covered with poison-secreting spikes escaped from their enclosure. They were asleep and couldn't sting me, so I held them because they were cute. My ex boyfriend Matt showed up. He had a tattoo of Grumpy Bear the Care Bear on the back of his neck. My name was tattooed next to it. We didn't talk because there was nothing to say. I nuzzled a rainbow colored hamster and walked away.

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