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cleaning the litterbox

trying to read but big stupid Eric couldn't hold still

trying to pay attention to the movie but couldn't. my mind kept drifting away, which worried me, but I kept forgetting to stay worried. There were so many other things to dwell on.

In the ice cream shop I approached him carefully. He was nervous. I told him gently that she was not who he had thought, and I had proof. He was upset but not too upset to refrain from hitting on me.

it was a nuclear war dream, a bomb went off in washington, dc (i live about 20 miles outside). it wasn't so bad, since i live northeast of the city, the fallout went towards the bay and the ocean. where i lived it was just like a tornado hit. most structures were flattened. in the process of finding a way to survive i met up with a motley rag-tag group of people. we found a house and began to prepare to defend it. in fact, that was the only reason i was allowed to join the group was because i owned guns which would serve to defend us and get us food.

usually my nuclear nightmares are awful horrible things, but this was more like an adventure. somewhat exciting.

I dreamed Georgia
last night, a sweet
darkness unseen, but there
snakes, peanut fields
a warm February with
grass twisted between
my fingers, the heavy
smell of earth as it
exists, a pond
one lone boat
with its peeled paint-
and there, on the dark
side of the earth shadow
a full moon, perfect-
rough glitter on the water
where we swim to forget
the day outside of skin,
what heat was-
and where are you, in
all this
smooth half of a circle
lowering to the river
stars, the sudden one that falls
and is gone-
my hand,
closing.

At a family gathering, I mentioned that I would be moving back to the area, sometime during the year. A couple of relatives mock keeled-over at the news, making me giggle a little bit. I tried to mention the names of the school and church with which I would be associated, but couldn't remember. "...St. Something, but not the St. Something that runs the school..." They didn't understand. I didn't understand. I giggled some more.

I was in a tiny box and people-shapes were trying to climb in with me. I wanted to tell them that there was no room, but i knew they wouldn't listen (or wouldn't hear), so i tried to make myself smaller. The lighting was dim. Because of the crowding and jostling, i couldn't move my limbs.

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Ed and I were on the way to work, driving along 91. Eventually we look up and see this big green sign that says "Welcome to Canada" Somehow we'd gone North. We come to the decision that we should stop somewhere to call and let them know we'll be late.