A sign of the comming of the end of humanity as we know it?
A bizzare and twisted joke?
An insult to the intellectual skills of the consumer?
Disgusting and perverted?
The evil clone of Dr. Pepper?

Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes. Folks, the threat is real. DR. THUNDER, as the name implies is some sick cola joke, a horrid, piss tasting drink that tries to imitate the good Dr. Pepper.

My first encounter with this base, vile thingy was while on vacation several years ago in Hilton Head, NC. While picking up some provisions at a walmart, before they exploded and infected every major community on the planet, I noticed a drink machine parked infront of the store. I was thirsty. I plunked in 35 cents and pressed a random button, out rolled this silvery can with bold crimson lettering DR. THUNDER. I popped the top Mistake #1. Placed the can to my lips Mistake #2, and took a drink Mistake #3. The cold brown liquid flowed over my tounge, and down my throat. My wrists and hands went limp. As the can hurtled to the gum ridden pavement outside the Walmart, so did I, my head connecting to the pavement with a solid *thunk*. "Poisoned", I thought as I lay on the sidewalk in a pool of my own blood. "But how...why". As the paramedics stuffed me into the back of an ambulance and shoved a tube in my throat, it all became clear to me. Dr. Thunder sucks.

Dr. Thunder is to Dr. Pepper as a guy in a gorilla suit standing infront of a car wash is to a real live 500-lb silver back. That is, a sorry, pitiful impersonation in case you were wondering. My most recent encounter with this beast occured in a lecture hall at my university. I spotted an empty can of this "beverage" underneath an unoccupied seat. I see that the coroner's office is getting rather swift in their dead body removal tactics. Take heed softdrink consumers, accept no flimsy substitutes.

The part about the paramedics was imaginative embelishment

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