Does toilet paper go bad?

If you're wondering if you should buy the value pack of toilet paper, you might think, hey, toilet paper won't go bad, so as long as I have the storage space I might as well maximize my value.

Think again, pink boy. You see, toilet paper permanence is dependent on storing it in a cool, dry place. If you have no such place, well, the paper could get mildew, it could get eaten by insects, it could just get wet and disintegrate, it could get too hot and actually crumble to dust. Toilet paper won't go bad like mayonnaise goes bad, but if it's not stored correctly, its shelf life will not be infinite.

So please keep this in mind. Because, if you have to throw out toilet paper, you're killing trees. Unless you buy toilet paper that's 100% recycled, but even then you've wasted the energy needed to manufacture and transport it.

On the other hand, toilet paper takes 40 years to decompose at 14,000 feet, so if you know you'll be stuck in a high place for a while, you might as well bunker up. This slow decomposion is a problem on mountains, where climbers leave their paper trails. See the world's highest junkyard.

But sure, one shouldn't fool the toilet paper industry to believe that the demand for their products is gigantic. They will only cut down more trees, pollute more air and water and build new factories.