(Nova Testing Grounds. Dr. Marner is still giving his speech to the visiting dignitaries, while the robots prepare a gin and tonic for him.)

NUMBER TWO: CRUSH ICE. GLASS. ICE. GIN. TONIC. A SQUEEZE OF LIME. (rolling over to the podium) YOUR GIN AND TONIC, DR. MARNER.

DR. MARNER: Thank you, Number Two! (dignitaries applaud) Mmm, just the way I like it. Shaken, but not stirred.

NUMBER TWO: EXCUSE ME, DR. MARNER, BUT I AM WANTING NINTENDO ENTERTAINMENT SYSTEM.

DR. MARNER: That’s enough out of you, Number Two.

NUMBER TWO: I WANT TO BE SUPER MARIO.

(Begins jumping up and down. Dignitaries applaud.)

DR. MARNER: Number Five, please destroy Number Two.

NUMBER FIVE: (tweeeeeeee—KABOOO-OO-O-MMBOOM!)(Dignitaries applaud)

DR. MARNER: Thank you very much, Number Five.

NUMBER FIVE: DR. MARNER, I WOULD LIKE A DR. PEPPER, PLEASE.

DR. MARNER: Now don’t you start, Number Five.

NUMBER FIVE: WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO BE A PEPPER, TOO?

DR. MARNER: I can’t handle this!! Number Three, please destroy Number Five.

NUMBER THREE: GO TAKE A FLYING LEAP OFF A BUILDING, DR. MARNER.

DR. MARNER: Number Three! Please destroy Number Five! Stat!!

NUMBER THREE: (blows raspberry)

DR. MARNER: Number One, please destroy Number Five, then destroy Number Three.

(Number One aims for Dr. Marner.)

NUMBER ONE: (twee…BOOM!)

(The podium is blown to pieces. Dignitaries applaud.)

DR. MARNER: Aaagghh!! Not me, you idiot! The robots Number Five and Three! Stat!

NUMBER ONE: DIE, MOTHERFUCKER.

(The four robots advance on Dr. Marner. Marner starts to make a quick getaway, then sees Newton Crosby on the back of a motorcycle.)

DR. MARNER: Newton! You’ve got to help me! They’re going to kill me! Tell them to stop! Stat!

NEWTON: Sorry, Dr. Marner. I have to go film Police Academy Five. Ta, lovely!

(The motorcycle speeds away. Dignitaries applaud.)

NUMBER FIVE: NEWTON CROSBY, P.H.DORK. DISSASSEMBLE DR. MARNER. STAT.

DR. MARNER: Help! He-e-e-e-e-e-elp! Mommy, Mommy!! Help! Sta--

ROBOTS: (tweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… GIGANTIC EXPLOSION!)

(Dignitaries applaud.)

That was a deleted scene from the 1986 movie, “Short Circuit”, which was originally directed by Paul Verhoven. This scene, which surprisingly takes place at the beginning of the film, was familiar for the director’s bloody and violent action-packed style, particularly for the brutal killing of one of the main characters, Dr. Howard Marner (Austin Pendleton). The people at Twentieth Century Fox, upon viewing this scene, promptly fired Verhoven on the spot and brought in director John Badham (Wargames, some other films). The film was rewritten from its original draft, which was of a group of robots who go on a crazed killing frenzy, to a more family-friendly comedy about one of the robots who gets zapped by lightning and becomes a wiseacre android. “Short Circuit” went on to become a boffo box-office smash hit, spawning the less successful sequel, “Short Circuit 2” and the not-at-all successful sequel, “Short Circuit 3: Nova’s Revenge(For other unsuccessful sequels, see Gung Ho II, Beetlejuice 2, and Star Trek V)Paul Verhoven went on to rewrite his original draft, and that would become the infamous ultra-violent sci-fi action flick, “Robocop”. On September 19th, 2000, to coincide with the release of the special DVD edition of “Short Circuit”, the good people at ConHUGECo released Paul Verhoven’s version in theaters nationwide to widespread critical acclaim. The film went on to score 12 Oscars, 31 Golden Globes, 94 People’s Choice Awards, 3 Peabody Awards, The Nobel Piece Prize, The Palm D’Or at Cannes, and Employee of the Month, Wendy’s Old Fashioned Hamburgers, Canton, OH. And that’s not even true!

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