December 5, 2015

Things are moving. Things are moving fast, and powerfully, and quite honestly amazingly.

On December 12, 2015 at 3PM Eastern Standard Time / Noon Pacific Standard Time there will be a Skype meeting to discuss the progress of Pandeism.

And key amongst the topics to be discussed will be the publication of the first book in over a 100 years dedicated primarily to the topic of Pandeism, an anthology of articles tentatively to be published by John Hunt Publishing in the early Summer of 2016. A book organized by me, and including substantial sections of content written by me.

I realized that I'd been taking so long to try to express my ideas exactly as I meant to, that other people had begun writing things expressing the same ideas in their own voices, sometimes in quite insightful language. And to be true, I had mixed feelings about that at first, because I wanted to put certain things out in a certain very specific way. But then I thought, it is better for the idea itself to come through different voices. And that is when I had the realization that if I could simply anthologize what others had written along the lines of my own thinking, and then only add to that sections of missing material of my own writing. And like that, the path opened up.

The most surprising thing to me was how quickly a publisher responded positively to the proposal. Many of the articles have already been secured for publication, but we plan to top off the effort with a Kickstarter-funded national collegiate writing competition for current philosophy/theology students, with the subject of the competition being the advancement of Pandeism, with the winning entries to be published in the anthology.

So, that is what has utterly swept up my life for the past several weeks. And why I am filled with high hopes for this path continuing positively!!

*phew*

2015 is going to be a great black crater in my mind after it's done with. I've spent so much anxiety on my bad fortunes, without giving due credit to my good fortunes, and to the way I've been able to rebound. I've not been looking at things very positively. I've also been stubbornly ignoring chronic depression, and will continue to do so because addressing it in a medical sense does not give me an array of good options. It's a disorder for which I am choosing to seek social treatment.

I've been stuck in a closet-sized room in an upstairs apartment since September 2012. I gave my 30 day notice on Tuesday when I paid my December rent on my month-to-month lease. I don't feel safe here, I never did. I don't feel clean, don't feel comfortable, don't feel rested, don't feel like I have the space to speak or to listen, don't feel loved, and don't feel vital. I've felt those things at times that I've lived here, but not all at once. The city, I can call home. The place in which I habitate? I can't call it home. I'm looking.

I quit my job to look. I lost another job back in October, and the new gig wasn't working out anyway. I need to find something better, but I get the funny feeling like I'll always be saying that. And the funnier still feeling that I won't mind saying that forever, and that I won't mind searching forever. If I do nothing in the next 4 weeks, I will be without a home, without a job, and without too many funds to fall back on. I've pitted myself in a race against time in which I get to turn off time. No more alarm clocks, no more parking meters, no more lunch on the job, just a man with some time, out on a limb. I guess this is why I never do daylogs? It's easy for the content to come off as messy and emotional and melodramatic. But I guess I can appreciate that too.