Tyler Evans, Grade 3, Mrs. Baker's Class, Shady Grove Elementary
Vichizzle McNizzle, Pimp Daddy
Celebrating New Year's Eve
Vichizzle: Hey, what's up all you partyin muthafuckas, it's the Vichizz again rappin at ya bout the par-tay to end all par-tays, the fuckin banginest, rockinest, motherfuckingest e-vent of the entire fuckin year: New Year's Eve, y'all! Two-thousan-foe, kick his ugly ol ass out the doe cuz it's time to ring in the New Year, muthafuckas. Werd. Dis is where you gets out yo best hooch and yo best weed cuz it's time to get completely stoned and boned. Foe real. Get together with yo best homies and hos, gather up yo best toonz, and fuckin knock the night out! Yeah, knock that bitch out. Get yo ass as fuckin stoned and shitfaced as possibly!
Now some people be sayin they rathah stay at home, maybe have a few friends ovah and watch that fuckin ball drop. Fuck that, dawg! Don't be watchin no Dick Fuckin Clark, knowhaddi'msayin? Yeah I know his old ass not be doin it this year, got himself a shitload of stroke in his toke, but you know what I'm fuckin sayin, man. Don't be watchin him or any utha bitch they gots to replace his prune ass. You bettah be smokin, drinkin, and fuckin the night away, muthafuckas, cuz it be on at the start of two-thousan-five, bitch!
Tyler: This New Year's Eve Daddy decided that we would stay at home and not go out because lots of people get drunk on New Year's Eve and are out on the roads, making the roads dangerous. There will also be a lot of hippies on the roads that are on drugs. Daddy says that they drink a lot of beer and smoke a lot of grass. I don't know why people smoke grass. I ate some once and I didn't like it at all. Anyway, Daddy says that we will just stay at home and watch the ball drop with Dick Clark like we do every year. My daddy is mad, though, because it doesn't look like my older sister Tara will be there. He says she will probably be out doing really bad stuff with that stupid wop boyfriend of hers. Mommy gets really sad and starts crying and yells at Daddy when he says Tara's going to hell with all the fags and other sinners.
So anyway, it looks like it will just be me, Mommy, Daddy, and my baby brother Lucas here at the house on New Year's Eve. But it will be fun. Daddy's gonna let us eat all the chips and drink all the soda we want! He says we're gonna play games like Rummy. The only thing I won't like is that Uncle Rod is coming over. He is my dad's brother. I don't like the games Uncle Rod used to play with me and Tara. I hope he won't be playing those games this year. Probably not because he only likes to play them when nobody else is around and that's probably because Uncle Rob usually has us take off some of our clothes.
Vichizzle: Oh, bettah reminds you all, if you crank out those toonz, be better sure you crank up that fuckin bass because if you don't, Vichizzle be comin over and personally givin you a ride down Kickass Boulevard! Ain't no music be playin without no fuckin bass turned up enough to shake, rattle, and roll the house, lease not the real partyers, knowhaddi'msayin? I know it hard to be hearin yo friends talkin with that bass, but who the fuck be talkin anyways? Mouth should be too busy smokin something, drinkin somethin, or fuckin mackin on yo ho. Werd! But remember, theres gots to be at lease one person payin attention to the time, cuz you should do that final countdown. Get some fuckin honkey dork to do it. Cuz you gots to know who to fuck when the clock strikes twelve! No, not kissin! I know most peoples be kissin on that fuckin twelve-strike. No, fuck that. At the stroke of twelve yo better be havin you dick stroked by the finest pussy you can find! And fo any bitches readin this, better be fuckin the finest hunk of cock you can find! Do it right there in the fuckin livin room, fur real! Everbody be too drunk or high to give a flyin shit, knowhaddi'msayin? So remember, in this order on New Year's Fuckin Eve: gather yo friends, lotsa hooch and hos, yo finest weed, rockinest rappinest toonz, crank up that fuckin bass, party hard and get to fuckin when the short hand gets to that muthafuckin 12. Peace!
Tyler: Oh, good, it looks like Uncle Rod won't be coming after all. He said he was busy studying to be a priest. He's been going to priest school, you know. It is very hard to become a priest. Anyway, Happy New Year everybody. See you in 2005.
11/24/04 == 12/20/04 == 12/21/04 == 12/30/04 == 01/31/05 == 02/10/05 == 02/14/05 == 05/18/05 == 07/25/05 == 09/01/05 == 10/24/05 == 12/22/05 == 07/20/06 == 10/31/06 == 02/07/07 == 07/13/07 == 12/18/07 == 9/17/08