It's been a year since I decided to change my life, to be no longer just
passing through the world alone. I'm still alone, but I've become more
social in that time, and I've done some things that the old me never would
have done. I've made a start, but I still have a ways to go.
The first proactive step I took last December was to get my teeth bleached,
so that I would feel better about smiling at people. This turned out to be more
than just dipping my toe in the water, because I was so taken with the
gentleness and empathy of Seanette, the BriteSmile technician, that I
asked her out. It would still be a long time before I asked anyone out
face-to-face, though, so that was done in a letter that I sent to her at her
office; it was a combination of congratulations on her chairside manner
and a request to see her socially. Unfortunately, no response either way
was forthcoming. (When I called the office a few days ago to confirm an
appointment for a cleaning, that was made back then, she answered the
phone, but didn't particularly remember me -- not that I would expect her to.)
After that start, the rest of my year included the strange relationship with
Rebecca, the waitress at Red Robin, going out once with a woman
that a friend at work hooked me up with, starting psychotherapy at
Nolan's urging, stopping that about six months later after possibly
getting some benefit from it, joining Match.Com but never getting the guts
to actually post a profile (though I did contact a woman that seemed like
someone I would have gotten on with well, but she declined to meet me),
and asking out the sister of another friend at work. This lady had seemed to
enjoy talking to me at parties on a couple of occasions. After talking with her
a bit at a company social function in September, and leaving early as I am
wont to do, I emailed her, apologizing for not talking more with her even though
I enjoyed it, and asked her to play tennis. We did, and much fun was had by
both parties, though her calendar is very full and she's not to able take on more
at this time.
A non-great occurrence during the year was having a former co-worker and
casual friend, who used to listen to my woes wrt my unrequited love and
who, after moving away, told me that he had been sexually attracted to me
the whole time we worked together, which was rather a bonding experience,
tell me that I, along with everyone else he knew in Santa Barbara, was psychotic and he never wanted to hear from any of us again.
Fortunately, thanks to one of The Four Agreements, with which I became
acquainted after WolfDaddy lent me the book by that name, I was able to
see that, even though I was saddened by that, it was not my fault and
there was nothing I could do about it,
Back on the good side, and providing several examples of the changes in
me, was my friendship with Edward. Exemplary because we are
friends only because I flat out told him that I thought we could be, and wanted to
take action toward that end, which has happened quite to my satisfaction.
And just today, I called him out of the blue and asked if he'd like to play
tennis. This is something that is very difficult for me, and a year ago I definitely
would not have done it. [And we did play, though he made me decide on the
time, not letting me get off with "whenever you want" :)]
Now I have to start on the next year's accomplishments.
Ten episodes into season 5.
The year is 2262.
How could I forget this? I also went to the E2 gathering
in New Orleans hosted (hostessed?) by Templeton. My
therapist was amazed that I would travel cross-country to see twenty or thirty
people that I didn't know. (So was I.)