December 2, 2009

It is again time for cleansing.  Today has been a good day.  I had an interview today with Advance Auto Parts in prospect for an internship.  The interview went very well.  I felt comfortable, except for that nervousness that keeps me living.  I felt that I effectively communicated with my interviewers.  The guy who directed the interview was named Lorne.  I would hate to do anything for him (nudge nudge).

In that respect, today was a good day.  In other aspects of my day, it has not been so great.  Considering I just got back from Thanksgiving break, I may be still in "break mode".  I think there is something more than simply being in rest-as-much-as-possible mode.  I think I might be feeling down for the first time in a while.  Recently, as in, the past 11 months, I have been on top of the world.  This happened after getting out of the very bad relationship and consequently going to therapy, no drugs involved.  After therapy, it was a propelled ride up, and now is the only time I really feel down.  I almost forgot what it feels like.  There are a couple of reasons why I think I feel this way, and I feel I must chew on them a bit, I must face them.  Then I can move on.

Relationships: In essence, I am craving one.  My last relationship, though tough, was fantastic.  Since then, it has been one night stands, all about the physical satisfaction.  Now I'm needing some emotional satisfaction.  Maybe I just need a more easily reached best friend (I miss you man)?  There is a woman who I greatly desire and admire, although I fear that the uncertainty of my place of residence complicates things too much.  In fact, this is why we did not start something in the first place; I did not feel that it would be fair to her.  We talked about it for quite a while.  Here comes the importance of this interview.  If I end up with this internship, then I will be able to stay in this area, away from the parents, living on my own, making my own money, and playing jazz at bars after work.  That is my dream.  The relationship with this person is simply bonus points.  Yet, I crave it now, and the uncertainty kills me.

Uncertainty: I am not one for magical solutions, or taking the easy way out, I'm a bit of a masochist when it comes to that, though sometimes I really wish I could know the future.  I'm straddling the line of living with my parents and living on my own like a coybow riding an unbroken horse.  I refuse to be thrown back into my parents home without a good fight.  So far, the fight has been arduous.  I am not graduating college in a good job market, but that doesn't mean that I won't find a job!  Yet here I am, right on that line.  So ready to be taking care of myself, earning my own money, making my own mistakes and making my own successes!  But if I don't find a job, I have a 400 mile ride back "home".  The waiting presents a whole bunch of baggage by itself.  Ye or nay?

In general, I am not used to being in the air for so long.  I like thinking on my feet and going places not necessarily with a plan, but those usually come and go pretty quickly.  This has been going on since May, just about, when I heard I was not graduating because of being 0.25 points low on my major GPA.

We shall see.

Seriously. I mean, seriously now.

Three weeks ago, you ended what I thought was just fine because you weren't "ready for a relationship". Fine. You got scared and ran. I can understand THAT.

Then, you came back. Full of compliments, kisses, and (broken)promises.

"Men are like Rubber Bands" - Chapter 6 of "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". YOU knew the chapter far, far better than I did.

Two days later, we're not going to have enough time to "renew something" when we're barely together? Because our "schedules differ"?

Seriously. I mean, seriously now.

I've heard it all. You're "crazy". You're "emotionally unstable". You're a "fucking jerk"... (Fair enough, no one knew you like I did, they never got a chance!) "Sayonara", "See ya later", "No more chances". Everyone has an opinion.

So why am I so intent on hearing you out? Why do I want to know what thought process were involved with coming to this conclusion?

I didn't have time to fuck things up, so it wasn't me for once...

I can't really tell, but I think I'm beating my head against yet another brick wall. It's just a different colour and texture this time.

Passing traffic; a rich buttery yellow on that battered
cement mixer makes it look like a dairy churn.
We pass roses tall and intensely red in the humid sunlight.
The bridge flexes under our feet, the creek runs below in the shade.

Mum drawing grapevine leaves and tendrils at the General Store Gallery.
Making patterns. Guitar music and sandwiches, chilled water.
Suzanne running a class on perspective.
Perhaps next week I will join in.
For now I am painting Christmas cards.

I guess I should be flattered, but I'm *not*.

Apparently someone desperate to complete NaNoWriMo has decided it will be simpler to just wholesale copy my story "The New York Magician" off Everything2.com and present the work as their own.

A user on LiveJournal.com, who is also on both tumblr.com and NaNoWriMo, has posted 61,000+ words of my work and claimed that they are hers.

I'm pursuing DMCA takedowns but honestly? That isn't enough to lower my blood pressure.

I think I need to have a couple drinks to calm down.

Apparently, according to Jet-Poop, she's stolen other Everything2.com content from other users as well. :-(

Update:

Well, okay, I feel marginally better. tumblr.com agreed with me that the content was mine, as did NaNoWriMo. Both seem to have taken quick action. LiveJournal isn't so much an issue, as what was there was links to the tumblr content, but I'm still hoping to smack down the posts where she claims the work as hers.

Thanks to all here for moral and logistical support, especially Jet-Poop, Sonnekki and auraseer.

Update update:

The person in question has responded to my initial email, and has removed the content, as requested (removed LJ entry, made her tweets private), and sent me an email attempting to explain her actions. I don't really care about explanations, but since she has removed my content at my request, I will remove her usernames from this and other posts. I guess this is a 'happy ending' for the problem - but it's hard to see it as such. My paranoia level over writing online has gone up, and having to deal with this wasn't fun at all - I hate being the heavy. Still, better this, and I must give her credit for actually answering the email and owning up.