December 1, 2007

Scientists say World's Gall Supply on the Rise

While oil prices keep rising and forests, arable land supplies and water become increasingly scarce scientists say that at least one natural resource is increasingly available ---- Gall. "While gall supplies suffered a temporary slip in the mid forties with the defeat of Nazi Germany and Japan, the world's supply of gall has been on a steady upward rise," said Department of Energy scientist Dr. Fermez LesBouche. "The trend has spiked really as we have uncovered fresh supplies of gall to replace others that have been depleted, such as Libyan leader Muammar Quaddafi. "

Most scientists agree that the end of the Cold War and increasing detente led to a temporary reduction of available gall. UN Sanctions eventually choked off Quaddafi, who had previously been the world's primary gall source. But what pleases is them is the increase in new sources of gall, many of whom are domestic. "The Middle East has long been seen as a primary source of gall, particularly after Mussolini was strung up," said noted defense analyst Anthony H. Cordesmann. "When Quaddifi yeilded to international pressure and the passing many believed the world's gall supply nearly used up. Even the U.S. war against Saddam Hussein was seen as suppressing the gall market. But it hasn't turned out that way." Cordesmann points to the ability of al Quaeda leader Osama Bin Laden's continued gall production from his lair in a Pakistani cave. And the war helped spawn and even larger gall reserve in the form of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. "The rise of Ahmadinejad was an amazing bonus and a surprise," reported British Petroleum spokeman David Kay. "We really thought that with Saddam down gall prices would rise to the stratosphere. What a windfall he has been!"

But many really credit the forward thinking policies of the Bush Administration and other conservative leaders for the recent surge in gall supplies. By supporting an unsuccessful coup d'etat against Venezuelan leader Ceasar Chavez the Administration created conditions leading to removal of all known ceilings to Venezuelan gall production. "The truths is that conservative leaders for years have been working quietly behind the scenes to increase gall supplies, and then to put them to work for worthy causes," said Hoover Institution fellow Victor Davis Hanson. "It really began in the late nineties with the rise of right wing talk radio. Talk radio hosts like Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh provided a steady increase of gall on their own, and their tireless work led to an increase in gall among the general population. Now the ordinary American can stand up and feel pride in their own personal gall.

But church leaders are not willing to cede their pride of place in the race to supply more gall. "The Lord God almighty has caused us to speak out and proclaim the truth to all, " said Reverend Timothy Teabagger of the 1st United Free Will Pentacostal Baptist Church. "The Lord spoke to me and said that so long as we shalt keep our legs crossed, the Lord will continue to bless us with all the gall we need."

The Bush administration itself has served as primary supplier of gall. From the beginning of his first Presidential primay campaign where John McCain was accused of fathering a mixed-race baby, George Bush and his staff have acted in a way designed to ensure high gall production. A recent capstone came when former White House counselor Karl Rove appeared on the Charlie Rose show to declare that 'the untold story of the war in Iraq' was how the Congress pushed the White House to hurry toward war. Though a few contemporary reports dispute Rove's claim, there can be no doubt that it was made by a man confident in the both present and future gall supplies.

Even the President himself has provided leadership on that ground. President Bush himself said "So long as I'm President American will take second place to no nation in gall." Recent meetings with French President Nicolas Sarkozy indicate both leaders remain confident in America's gall superiority. Both leaders issued a joint statement declaring that: "America is the most galling nation on earth."

With domestic gall production through the roof, and rising international sources scientists say that the world need have no fear that we will soon run out of gall.

Today's been another wonderful cricketing day for me. For once, not for my bowling, which is hitting a bad spell at the moment. In fact, I've gone for four matches and had figures of 8-0-3-50, 8-0-1-58, 4-0-0-30, and 4-0-0-something (I never checked). Not even for my fielding, which too has been lagging a tad, but it should get better soon. No, this is for my batting, for a change.

...so as you do on a concrete/synthetic turf pitch, and a hot day that promises to cool down, our captain decided to bat first upon winning the toss. Not a bad idea, but you'd get awfully hot in that gear. Still, this was one of the most experienced teams I had played with, including a couple ex-A-Grade players who were having trouble with their arm, or run-up, or just having a bad spell. It's always comforting to see that happen - get a few A-Grade players in a B-Grade side.

I sat down and did the scoring for a while, but batting at No. 7, and with a few wickets falling in the first fifteen overs, I inevitably had to leave, get my pads on, and go to the nets and get my eye in. I would need all I could get - the guys we were playing are not a good side. Not as in "not good at the game" - they will just resort to all kinds of shit. Last year, we wouldn't let a guy from their team who came to the match at 4:00p bat, so they retaliated by refusing to let one of our guys bowl - for wearing the wrong colour shoes.

Enough of the background. The skinny is that we went to drinks OK, but in the middle of the 23rd over (out of 40) the fifth wicket fell and I went out to face two spinners. They had 5 and 6 overs left to bowl, respectively, so I would just have to tough them out. I had an ex-A-Grade player at the other end, and he just told me to stay in. ...So stay in I did.

While my more experienced partners fell around me - first Boof, then Mark - I grew more and more confident as the overs wore on and on. Mind you, I was also lucky several times - I reckon I hit them four catches that they all dropped. I thought I was done for when I gave their 'keeper a genuine nick, but he dropped it, and so did his slip. Plus I hit a doozy to short mid-on. Jeez I was pissed at those shots, but I wasn't pissed at all my other shots. When I thought they were worth a shot, I gave them a shot. I ended up with 17 runs, and was bowled on the last ball of the last over of the innings. I tried for another swing, and missed it completely.

I lasted seventeen and a half overs. I think the thing that kept me in was this: at one point, a slip yelled out "This is the guy we want on strike." I thought to myself, "Right, well, if they want me on strike, that's what I want too." The way I usually think about it, speaking as a bowler, is that we don't want them out there. As soon as the fielding side want the batsman on strike, that's as good as saying "I want you to stay here so I can pummel you with bouncers." So if they wanted me out there, I delivered.

Oh yeah, and I did get another bouncer. It wasn't the guy that got me last time - he's been suspended for bad conduct. No, this was one of his team mates, who sometimes tries tried to unsettle me at school. The way I handled it was to just club it to the boundary. We get along OK sometimes, and as I was running, I passed him and whispered "Take that". Then after the game I told him that he bowled well. Indeed, he had unsettled me with a couple of good balls while I was getting used to his style. And he didn't get me out either. That was the icing on the cake. (To see a better description of the people I'm talking about, see October 13, 2007.)

As I say, my form with the ball has dropped, so I bowled four overs and conceded 20+ runs in their innings. But that didn't matter. I now have a fond memory of my highest B-Grade score, my first double-digits score in B-Grade, and the longest time I had ever stayed in (in terms of overs), even eclipsing my effort of March 12, 2006. Another day I shall remember forever.

As an aside, I have little mementoes of both today and March 13, 2006. From March '06, I have a medal, and two newspaper clippings. From today, I have a photo taken of me just coming off the ground, holding my bat up as though I were celebrating a century. And trust me, it sure felt like one. It shall go on my other half when I get a chance.