The almost definitive list

Q: What's the difference between a dead baby and a rock?
A: You can't fuck a rock.

Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree?
A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over?
A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die?
A: Because the koala landed on it.

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Q: How do you get a baby out of a tree?
A: You give a Mexican a stick and tell him it's a pinata!

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Q: What has 4 legs and one arm?
A: A Doberman on a children's playground!

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Q: What is more fun than stapling dead babies to the wall?
A: Pulling them off.

Q: What's more fun than nailing a baby to a fence?
A: Ripping it back off.

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Q1: What's red and white and goes 'round and 'round?
Q2: What goes red white, red red, white white red...?
Q3: What is pink and red and goes round and round?
Q4: What's pink and with a flick of a switch turns red?
Q5: What's red and chunky and travels, in a circle, at 190 mph ?
A: A baby in a blender

Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?
A: So you can see the expression on its face!

Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender face first?
A: So you can see it's feet pulling up into tiny little fists!

Q1: How do you get 1000 dead babies in a phone booth?
Q2: How do you get 10 dead babies into a tupperware bowl?
A1: La' Machine!
A2: Use a blender

Q: How do you get it out?
A1: With a straw!
A2: Doritos

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Q: What is worse than a dead baby in a garbage can?
A: Ten dead babies in a garbage can.

Q: What is worse than 10 dead babies in a garbage can?
A: One dead baby in a ten garbage cans.

Q: What's worse than a dead baby in a trashcan lid?
A: A trashcan lid in a dead baby.

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Q: What do you do with 4 dead babies and a sheet of glass?
A: Make a coffee table.

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Q: What is easier to unload, a truck full of Dead Babies or a truck full
of bowling balls?
A: Dead Babies, you can use a pitchfork

Q: What's the difference between a truck load of dead babies and a truck
load of bricks?
A: You can't use a pitchfork on bricks.

Q: What's the difference between a barrel of water and a barrel of babies?
A: You can't shovel water with a pitchfork.

Q: How do you load 100 screaming babies onto a truck?
A: A pitchfork.

Q: How do you unload a truck full of babies?
A: With a pitchfork.

Q: Why do you unload a truck full of babies with a pitchfork?
A: So you can tell which ones are still alive.

Q: What's this? (hold arms out and shake them)
A: A live one.

Q: How do you know when you hit a live one?
A: The pitchfork shakes

Q: How do you find the live baby in a pile of dead ones?
A: Jab 'em all with a pitchfork.

Q: What is worse than that?
A: At the bottom of the pile, there was one trying to eat its way out

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It made it

Q: What is worse than that?
A: It went back for seconds!

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Q. Whats more fun that spinning a baby on clothes line?
A. Stopping it with a shovel.

Q: What's more fun that spinning a baby on a clothesline at 100MPH?
A: Stopping it with a cricket bat (thwok)

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Q: What is worse than running a baby over with a car?
A: Getting it out of the tires.

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Q: How is a baby like a grape?
A: They both give a little wine when you squish them.

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Q: What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors?
A: A baby with a javelin through its head.

Q: How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole?
A: Stick a javelin through it's head.

Q: What's small, red and can't get into elevators?
A: A baby with a javelin in it's head.

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Q: What does a dingo call a baby in a pram?
A: Meals on wheels.

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Q: What is pink, and with the flick of a switch, goes black?
A: A baby playing with a powerpoint.

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Q: What's black and furry and crawls across New South Wales?
A: A baby covered in Funnel-Web spiders.
( PS. Funnel-Web Spiders are black and furry )

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Q: What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A: A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.

pleasedon'tkillme

Q. What's red and silver and runs into walls?
A. A baby with forks in its eyes.

Q. What's red and wooden and can't turn corners?
A. A baby with a spear through its back.

Q. What's worse than a lawn littered with dead babies?
A. Mowing it.

Humorous segue, as done in the previous node...

Q. What do Little Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A. They both have Kurds in their way.

dead baby jokes would sooner prompt me to cry, as opposed to laughing, despite the fact that i've a rather well rounded, if you will, sense of humor. whilst i am not saying that some of these could undoubtedly raise some amount of humor amidst the troubled masses of human life milling about the planet.. it does leave me wondering.. why? as do most things.

why is it even remotely funny to jest about a tiny life lost before dreams.. anything?

some people laugh. some people cry. some people have lost real babies, not just joke babies. this won't be so funny, to them. in fact, i'd be willing to bet just the words "dead baby jokes" might cause heart ache for some.. did for me, and i've never even experienced something like that.

what's my point? gosh.. i don't know. i just felt like pointing out that it troubles me a little, the things that people will label as a "joke", even though it holds so little to really laugh about.

also, i voted most of the nodes here up,
even though i didn't think they were funny.
they just were. and so i voted for them.
but i wouldn't do it again.






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