Hello. My real name is Yaffo Schmidtzenwurlitzploppenheimer. I wish my parents would tell me what that means, but every time I ask, they get really angry and wash my mouth out with powdered dish detergent and smack me for swearing.
Well, that's enough about me. Why not tell me something about yourself?
Ahh... the silent type, I see. Well, no worry. Although usually modesty forbids me from talking this much about lil' ol' me, I wouldn't want any awkward silences to make anybody feel weird or anything.
Let's talk about cereal.
I sure do!
Legally, I'm still Yaffo Schmidtzenwurlitzploppenheimer, however it is you pronounce that, but since my parents can't tell my esophagus from a Kenmore electric, I play it safe and refer to myself by the name of a popular children's breakfast cereal.
Anyway, Crispy Crunchy Goo!TM isn't stocked in major stores yet... I try to make enough for everybody, but after a while my nose starts bleeding.
What did you think I meant? Sicko.
Crispy Crunchy Goo!TM is made of only the finest, crispiest, crunchiest, gooiest ingredients that can be found by mulching live Himalayan Yetis in a great big shredder vat and then draining all the fat into a big sieve that flows directly to the center of the Earth.
Evaporated Water, Oxygen (At least 60% by volume, less if served with milk), high fructose corn syrup, corn syrup, dextrose, maltose, fructose, glucose, sugar (Look! It's only the 9th ingredient!), phosphoric acid, FDA Red #40, FDA Yellow #5, RGB Blue #0000ff, salt, anchovie and/or iguana scales and/or lips and/or eyes, high-velocity liquified rice goop, caffeine, taurine, guarana, St. John's Wort, St. Peter's Basilica, "TMNT" Style Mutagen (for added flavor), monosodium glutamate (for added mutagenic properties), partially deionized lightning, artificial and "natural" flavors (as long as "natural" includes recycled cardboard), and a delightfully protein-rich secret ingredient specially formulated to give that Nepal flavor, without the Everest calories.
Mmmmm... Breakfast time!