So I went to the store and brought home a whole bunch of shit, dumped it into a bowl, and out came crab salad. This was the first time I had ever made such a concoction, so before we get into the details on how to make my version, let me make sure it's edible first. Hang on a second.

Mmmmmmm.

Right. As I was saying, crab salad is OLD HAT to me. Anyway, here's how to make some.

• 1 large carrot, peeled and chopped
• 2 celery stalks, chopped
• 1 cup imitation crab meat
• 1 tablespoon minced garlic
• 1/2 tablespoon olive oil
• 2 1/2 tablespoons mayonnaise
• 1 1/2 tablespoons ranch dressing
• Assloads of salt and pepper (to taste)

DUMP IT ALL IN A BOWL. MIX. EAT.