This is an important concept when being assertive. When making a request of another person, the majority of people will phrase the request:

"Could you please do X?"

If you really want someone to do something, try phrasing a request:

"Would you please do X?".

The former is simply bringing into question the person's ability to do X: "Can you do X?". "Could you do X if you wanted to?"

The latter questions their intention to do the task: "Will you do X?"

You'd be surprised the difference this makes both in terms of your assertiveness and the results you get.

Picture this: A romantic candle-lit dinner for two: the lighting is dim, the music soft. Just before the desert arrives, your beau takes hold of your hand, looks deep into your eyes and asks:

"Can you marry me?"

People who struggle with the concept of assertiveness will often be found using the awkward:

"Would you be able to..."

Which is just as bad as "Could you". Furthermore, it's one of those annoying turns of phrase that irritate me.

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.