More fun than a mouth full of Altoids!
It's the Cool Mint Listerine PocketPaks!
Guaranteed oral fun for the whole family!
One might dare say it's a party in your mouth!

What it is:
A tiny plastic case full of oral care strips that magically dissolve in your mouth, and "kills 99.9 % of odor-causing bacteria in 30 seconds!" because it unleashes the power of Listerine on your mouth. According to the web site, the strips are "a micro-thin starch-based film impregnated with Listerine's ingredients."

What is in it:

yummy!

What isn't in it:

The http://www.oral-care.com also has a Germinator game one can play as a promotion for the PocketPak. Further questions can be directed to the Frequently Asked Questions page, or by calling 1-800-223-0182. Cool Mint Listerine PocketPaks is the trade marked name of the product.

Quote and information courtesy of http://www.oral-care.com/conaffairs/oral_care17.shtml

If you've ever had one of these strips, you may know what I'm talking about when I say that these little concoctions are the gateway to hell.

It's like a camphor-coated piece of scotch tape that dissolves your taste buds and lets the world around you know "Hey, this guy's mouth is a fresh, cool wave of mint. Don't get him angry or he'll melt your face with his breath." It's a strip of pure mint-derived ass.

You may already be thinking "Whoa there, tiger. Botan Rice Candy is about as far as I will go when it comes to edible plastic-like material." Good move. Once it's in, it's impossible to get out, and you pay for your minty freshness with pain akin to that of eating a fresh habanero pepper. The only consolation is that the burning sensation only lasts about 10 minutes.

And be calm. Your screams will only fill the entire room with that minty mouthwash smell. People will flatulate to get rid of it. It's for the masochist on the go, bringing the obscene taste of the liquid version to your pocket. Enjoy the feeling of being stabbed with microscopic icicles anywhere!

Cool Mint Listerine PocketPaks. A micro-thin starch-based film impregnated with Satan's own blend of minty freshness and searing oral pain!

$10 says there'll be an excommunication or two when a teenage wiseacre sticks some to the bottom of his church's communion wafers

These things are a bit like 'a minty hell in my mouth, and everyone's invited...' but they are also the only product available to properly fill the market niche of being portable and making your breath smell better quickly.

The competition are as follows:

  • Breath mints - tend to make your mouth feel sweet and sticky, and wear off very quickly.
  • Breath sprays - hurt when accidentally inhaled (so do breath mints come to think of it, but let's not go there.) and tend to make your mouth smell worse than before you used them.
  • Chewing gum - unsightly and noisy, takes time, and you have to work out how to dispose of it in a 'non disgusting' way.

These little starchy strips are a little intense for some people, but they're far easier on the palate than actual Listerine, and far more practical to carry around with you.

Recommended.

On a slightly different note, a neat trick to show people is to lay one of these little strips flat on your palm. If you lay it one side down, the ends of the rectangle will curl up. If you flip it over, the sides will curl up. This is in response to your body's heat, so it'll work with most warm surfaces. They also do a 'funky dance' when exposed to a quick blast of hot air.

Try it!

Amaze your friends!


These devious wafer thin strips of mass oral destruction are available from petrol stations, supermarkets, corner stores, and pharmacies, and are definitely available in the USA, UK, Australia, and parts of mainland Europe.


The following facts have been presented to me:

  • a scar faery advises me that when these were released in England they were met with indifference, because several months prior to this Wrigley's brought out a product called Thin Ice which was more or less identical. How subversive.


  • Altoids are great on bad breath in a way no other mint is. Many people have told me this, and I'm sure they're right, although not from experience. No matter how right they are though, altoids still can't have the fantabulous convenience of these tiny minty bundles of devil-spawn action, nor do they have the sheer novelty value. What more can I say.


  • Sasha Gabba Hey! says: 'Hmm. The last time I saw my younger sister, she had a packet of them, and offered my one. Despite my aversion to eating see-through plastic rectangles, I took it and put it on my tongue, It wasn't overpowering or anything, but it was very offputting the way it stopped becoming a solid. I would think it's effective as a way of punishing animals.'
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