I guess I always thought that I was indestructible. Growing up as a kid I was what you might call a jock, if there was a game to be played, a team to be joined, a party to be had, you could always count on me to be right there in the center of action. That changed somewhat a few years back but I somehow I still wasn’t convinced that the aging process was going to take it’s cruel toll.
I am now.
Colonoscopy, polyps, biopsy, ulcers, arthritis in both of my hips and lower spine and high blood pressure.
Those were the words uttered to me after a recent trip to the doctor to try and determine what the hell has been bothering me of late. I gotta tell ya, I’m not the type to scare easily but these days, I don’t know…
So I was sitting around the other evening, pondering those words and my fate when it occurred to me that I was getting a chill up spine. My mind told me it wasn’t those words but something that I couldn’t put my finger on, not right away at least. Then it hit me.
I got to thinking about simple things. Here are some of them…
Whenever I’m proud of my kid, and that’s quite often, I always tell her something to the effect of “You’re my girl.” She always answers back “You’re my dad.”
The other day, before her mom picked her up, she had gotten some seedlings. She took great care to make sure that they would sprout and felt the need to remind me to make sure I wrap them in a pillow of damp napkins each night before going to bed. The simple innocence of those words played a chord in my heart that no music can replace.
Awhile back, I wrote a node that touched on the subject of memories. As I read those words today, I still get a chill up my spine in the hopes that one day, my little one will have something more to say to her kids than what was said to me.
There’s this place on one of the walls in my house where a certain picture used to hang. Due to events beyond my control, the picture is long gone but the outline of the frame is still there. I don’t know why I just don’t cover it up, it just doesn’t feel “right”. I guess that’s because when I remember what used to be and what isn’t anymore.
Around Christmas, I went through a lot of effort to decorate the house with lights and such. I remember the look on my kid’s face when she first came in and saw it. It’s a look I’ll never forget. The lights were taken down some time ago but the nails that held them in place are still imbedded in the wall. Yet another silent reminder in house full of them.
I love the way my kid runs just about everywhere. When she tells me she’s going down to her friends house, she usually take off in a sprint. She does the same when she makes her way home. I guess she somehow subconsciously figures that there aren’t enough hours in the day and she better make the most of them. I watch her bounce back and forth as makes her way up and down the block.
I’ve got this plant that I’d recently given up on and thought was dead. I was out in the patch of land that serves as a garden the other day doing some deadheading when I noticed that some new blooms had taken hold…
I love getting postcards out of the blue. I don’t think I’ve ever thrown one away. When the mood strikes. I like to thumb through them and smile…
My left pinky will never be straight again. The tale of that little episode really isn’t all that special. But still….
Hitting a perfect golf shot on a perfect summer day when you’re with some of the best friends you’ll ever have may not seem all that important to a lot of people but to me, well…
There’s a line in a Tom Waits song called San Diego Serenade that goes
I never heard the melody until I needed the song
I always liked it but never gave it much thought. Now I realize that those words never rang so true.
Then there’s always the last hug before the lights go out for the evening…
All of those things bring a certain chill up my spine. I’m sure there are many, many more and I’m sure many of you have your own recollections and daily events that would do the same. It’s just a shame that I didn’t notice them sooner.
The biopsy results are due back this week.
Update 8/18 - The results are back and whatever was pried from my insides and sent to be biopsied came back benign. To say I'm relieved would be an understatement of mammoth proportions.
All the same though, it's probably still a good idea to take note of my surroundings a little more than I have in the past.