So there you are, driving
along the Highway 1
, music playing from the stereo
, your boyfriend
wind blowing in your 7 dollar haircut
when BAM, you get a flat tire. You pull over to the side of the highway and things go steadily downhill
from there; the stereo announces rain coming your way, your boyfriend/girlfriend starts to complain, and your 7 dollar haircut loses it's charm without the wind, leaving you looking somewhat like Cameron Diaz
in There's Something About Mary
.. you know what I mean.
Anyhow, the pressure
is on. What do you do? Simple. Pull out your trusty laptop
and cellular modem
. Connect and log into Everything2.com
and start following instructions.
First of all, take out the tools
you will need. First you need, and I can't stress this enough, you NEED a spare tire
. What, you don't have one? Then take your laptop again and play a game of Quake
because quite frankly, you're beyond help. who the heck travels without a spare?? Ok, now the rest of you who have a spare, (glare at fool with no spare), next you need a tire iron
and a jack
, notice the lower case letter, not Jack as in your boyfriend/girlfriend. Also insure that your car is on a flat
surface so as to prevent it from slipping and landing on a surface that resembles say, your body.
Remove the hubcap
from the tire
(the flat one!) using the tire iron to pry it off. Place the jack underneath
the car. Ensure that as you jack up the car, the pressure is place on the car's frame
, and not, for example, on the gas tank
. Raise until the flat tire is a couple of inches
off of the ground.
Proceed to unscrew
the bolts from the tire using, you guessed it, the tire iron! The bolts will generally be very tight and will require a lot of pressure to unscrew. If you're not really sure which direction to turn in, i recommend throwing the tire iron away and jumping to the left(or right if you're on the other side of the highway) into traffic. As you remove the bolts, place them into your hubcap so as not to lose them. I need to mention this because as we have seen, some people cannot even remember to bring along a spare tire.
the flat tire and replace it with the spare. Screw in all of the bolts(never drive with less than 3, of course if you lose any I don't recommend driving
at all.. ever), replace the hubcap and lower the car back to the ground. Place the flat and your tools back in the trunk and drive away, once again allowing your 7 dollar haircut to shine
in the wind.
Notes: Although presented humorously
, there is nothing funny about a 7 dollar haircut.. well, unless it isn't on your head and you have the oppotunity
to laugh at the person.
Oh yes, and I was serious; this really IS the proper way to change a flat tire.