Sure, Cap'n Crunch stays crispy in milk - it also turns the roof of your mouth into a raw, bloody mess! These rock-hard nuggets of corn meal and sugar must be honed by a special Quaker Oats cereal-sharpening machine. I can remember actually feeling ribbons of flesh in my mouth after a saturday morning marathon of cartoons and sugar cereal when I was a kid.

I would not recommend engaging in oral sex within 24 hours of ingesting this cereal - open oral lesions and other peoples' sex juices are a bad combo.

Chewing doesn't help; it's the fact that when you chew there's some in between your teeth which hit the roof of your mouth. I find this happens with Captain Crunch, Froot Loops, and most of all Apple Jacks (dunno why they're worse). The only recourse is to leave them in the milk until they get soggy...but that sucks.

Geez...

Don't you people read Cryptonomicon?

"But Randy has, over time, worked out a really fiendish Cap'n Crunch eating strategy that revolves around playing the nuggets' most deadly features against each other...The important thing, for Randy's purposes, is that the individual pieces of Cap'n Crunch are, to a very rough approximation, shaped kind of like molars. The strategy, then, is to make the Cap'n Crunch chew itself by grinding the nuggets together in the center of the oral cavity, like stones in a lapidary tumbler." Cryptonomicon, by Neal Stephenson.

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