“Crime is a shit that needs wiping up.”
- Burnt Face Man
I can’t believe this write-up hasn’t been done yet. Maybe it’s not that unbelievable, but before I digress; (*ahem* insert superhero announcer voice -) Burnt Face Man (-end superhero announcer voice), is a superhero around whom the flash comic of the same name centers, and was created by David Firth (of the more popular Salad Fingers).
It was at the age of 3 that Stanley Sage got burns to his face in a welding accident. Later, by means unknown, he discovered himself to have superpowers which he vowed to use in the fight against crime.
“take that, crime, you! ”
BFM, like most superheroes, has the ability to fly, but his other powers include the speed of a Puma, and clapping his hands together to create a Sonic Boom. He has undertaken, with the use of these powers, to fight the crime in Frying Pan City, with the aid of his side-kick, Suggestion Boy. He also has a No. 1 Fan; a short Indian guy who is his only fan in Frying Pan City.
Most of his other powers don’t get put to good use, but just to give them a mention; he has insane guitar playing abilities and really hot blood (gained when he tried to burn the AIDS virus out of his veins). He also has ‘laser eyes’ which he once tried to use to save a falling baby – but failed.
Although he constantly argues with his announcer he also has quite a few villains in Frying Pan City to deal with, namely; Bastard Man, Man Spider, Anger Man, Taps Man, Welding Man, Slightly Bruised Man, Rockhead Rumple, Mashed Potato In A Sock Man, Have A Nice Day Man, and others.
"If society's the vein, Burnt Face Man, then I'm the FUCKING INFECTION! "
– Bastard Man
Bastard Man is the ‘head’ villain in Frying Pan City, once having tried to poison BFM with some cheese and then going on to poke at his burnt face. He was forced into hiding at one point, coming back 2 years later with a plan to release Penduran (the worst smell ever) into the air.
His other antics include insulting BFM - calling him names like ‘burnt shit gay face’ and tricking him to believe he’d dropped his gay card, winning arguments, and insulting BFM on MSN messenger – but he was subsequently blocked by BFM, and basically being all round evil.
Bastard Man and Man Spider work together a lot in terrorizing Burn Face Man calling on other villains to act out their evil plans and ideas at times.
Burnt Face Man, who prefers chicken-flavoured cereal bars and spinach-flavoured coffee, and dislikes the Sega Game Gear, is a former S.H.E.I.L.D. agent but was fired in June, and is also a leading academic in Frankfurt School and has written books, but has yet to grace the cover of TIME Magazine.
To watch episodes of Burnt Face Man go to the original page or at Newgrounds, or Youtube if you prefer.
And I may or may not be his No. 2 fan (I know that doesn’t sound good but hey, this is Burnt Face Man we’re talking about).